I CAN, Peaches.

If my sister can write a blog post today, so can I! Granted, mine will not be populated with pictures of adorable little kids or kitties or couples, but you'll get over it.

I... am in a weird spot lately. I feel weird. I feel weird. My brain has been going a thousand miles per hour, OK, it was, now it's back down to a few hundred miles per hour, and I'm so full of indecisiveness and "what-ifs" and "should I's" and "I should's" and "I have to's".

Never mind. Let's get down the blog posting, shall we?

I was supposed to be taking two classes this semester; one of them was canceled. The class that remains is only a one-credit course, with random meetings with my instructor, and assigned readings which might help with my writing. Easy, won't take a lot of time, perfect. Except I really wanted to take that other class, and I'm bummed out that it was canceled. Now I have to wait until next semester and see if it will happen then! Anyway, I've been using some of my spare time the past two months to actually work on my writing. I've written one complete short story, and started re-working my historical fiction novel - again, from a different point of view.

Today, I had my first meeting with the professor, and she was reviewing my latest work, which I sent her last week. She thought my completed short story had some good things going on (granted, it is a cliche, predictable myth-type story), she thought my Jesus story, which I started a while ago for laughs, needed a lot of work (I agree), and she Really Liked my historical fiction work. Which is good, because the damn story has been in my head for over a decade. Wrap your mind around that.

God Damn, I'm Old.

In good news, after my tax return, I will have my largest credit card completely paid off. 

Work has been going alright - I have determined to be absolutely flawless in my professional aspect. I'm not saying I won't mistakes, but they won't be stupid mistakes. I will keep my mouth shut unless I have something constructive to say, which means I need to be thinking of a of constructive things to say. I will remain positive, and if I'm having a bad day, just smile through it. I made myself a notepad file for instructions for bad days, mainly to remind myself to smile because everyone can see me, and to remember that it's Just a Job, and I get to go home at the end of the day. And if they day is particularly bad, I'll plan to do something for myself when I do get home, such as a hot bath, or a pedi, or some kind of treat like that.

The reason for that resolution is because I have realized that in order to have the lifestyle I want, I am going to have to create that for myself. And I will.

It's just hard to make myself keep writing... even though I know that my writing is the one thing that has the potential to ricochet myself into the lifestyle I want (which isn't that much - all I want is a house with a pool and lots of windows and a vaulted ceiling, and lots of time to sit in the sun) - all I have to do is stick with it, which is SO much easier said than done.

Aside from all of that, I've been really having some down times. Times when all of my doubts, fears, uncertainties and failures come swelling up like an unwanted tide. I've been doing a decent job of fighting them back, but fighting is hard. It takes energy, and when I'm out of energy, either from not sleeping enough, or not exercising enough, or from expending all of my energy in other places, it's hard to summon the strength to tell myself, You CAN.