OK, this day had to be coming. I am just plain irritated today. Irritated down to my very core, to the bone, in every fucking sinew.
I am tired of trying my damndest to do things at work, only to run in questions that I don't know the answer to, or the processes to, and everyone else being 1) out on a work trip, 2) out sick, 3) gone home for the day, 4) off location, or 5) on the phone with someone else. I am sick and tired of people not educating me on important aspects of my job, for example, the PHONE. No one seems to know WHO takes care of the damn phones, or WHY there are three different programs to control the phone, or which options are supposed to be in which place, or which privileges my phone has in order to access any hunt groups so that I can start taking phone calls! And I really want to know WHY my phone keeps logging me OUT of the hunt groups so that I don't get any phone calls at all? It's not like *I* told my phone to log out - it did it on its own. Stupid stupid stupid. And the few phone calls I DO get, people are too damn busy or preoccupied to help me help the caller. Geez, I'm just trying to HELP, and do my fucking job.
And the people in the apartment with their fucking chihuahuas running around leash-less? Get a grip. Your dog is NOT that fucking cute, it looks like a rat with its tail cut short. And WHY is it jumping up and down on my leg, more than likely ripping the tights I wore to work? Don't think my tiny smile is an indication of indulgence, it's an indication of my self-control because I didn't kick your fucking dog-rat-thing. (I would never kick an animal, FYI).
People who give me projects to do at work? Please make sure that YOU at least know how to do it before you pass it off to someone else who has no fucking clue what in world you just handed her? And then isolate yourself from further questions by being on your fucking phone the whole rest of the afternoon and not responding to email, IM's or standing-by-your-desk-impatiently-awaiting-an-answer-until-they-give-up-and-walk-aways.
Also, that black charger in the parking lot? You're parked in MY fucking space, and have been for the past two days. You're lucky I don't want to go to jail. I don't even care if you aren't a Charger, you're a fucking idiot of a whatever-type-of-car-you-are.
Also, the idiot it IT? Get it right the first time, moron. Your timing is awful. First you take up 1/3 of my lunch, then you come back when I'm trying to work on that stupid project that no one's helping with, and then you come back again for god-knows-what.
ROAD WORK?! On my way to and from work?! In the one place I can't really avoid? You've got to be shitting me. And not the one-or-two-day type of roadwork. LONG-TERM roadwork.
Hmm... Good thing, Beth, good things. What good things have happened today?
I found a deal for Cold Stone Creamery. $10 for $20 worth of ice cream. That will be deserved. There are no problems yet with school, and it's paid. I am home now... and have a big pot of split-pea soup simmering in my crock pot. I'm going to light those damn candle and maybe take a bubble bath in a bit. But I still have work on editing my story, and study for my LOMA course and read up on my book for work. All while keeping up with Castleville. Hey now, I can have a guilty pleasure or two... and I still need to catch up with the new Family Guy episodes.
Sigh.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Essential Oils
Yesterday I received an unexpected, yet deserved, check in the mail. It was the last check from my at-home job (they took off the month of december and should start back after christmas), which I thought I'd already been paid for. I had a conundrum. Credit cards, groceries or christmas shopping?
Well, I decided against putting it on my cards, since my cards already had unexpected reimbursements last week, and decided on getting some groceries - stuff that can make nice quantities of delicious foods which can be frozen or saved for later. Basically, long-term foods. So, I went to the grocery store. And I spend almost ALL of that check, which actually wasn't that much, seeing as I was quite low on groceries. And I also finished up all of my familial Christmas shopping. And I also got myself a couple of treats. Yay for frugality and great deals, right?
Anyway, the treats I got myself were small, but I'm excited. I got bubble bath, and promptly gave myself a bubble bath with a flickering candle and a can of pizza-flavored Pringles. MMMM. For dinner I ate braunschweiger and pepperchini peppers. And Colby Jack cheese. MMMM. Why did my spellcheck just suggest Schwarzenegger for braunschweiger? Weirdo. I also had two bottles of Guinness.
I KNOW. I swore off spending money on alcohol, but hear me out. One of the long-term foods that make a great quantity that I plan on making is a great big pot of chili. One of the main ingredients for my chili, is Guinness. It's essential that the ground beef is sauteed in Guinness (and I add honey as well). Well, the grocery didn't carry the individual bottles or cans that I usually purchase for this recipe, so I was forced to buy the six-pack, even though I only use one bottle for the chili. So... that makes sense, right?
At any rate, I wasn't ALL lazy and indulgent today. The cable guy came over to fix my home internets, and I also enrolled in both college classes which start in January. I ALSO played my LotR game and finally won a game of it, and I ALSO typed out all of my short story which I've been working on for the past few weeks, at least as far as I had written out so far. I'm almost to the end. It's over three-thousand words and I still have the last eighth or so to write. And then the editing, throwing in of details and inner thoughts and the second story. But at least I got it all in electronic format tonight. And I owe it to the Guinness. Otherwise I'd've been distraced and/or lost my patience.
Oh, Essential Oils? As I was lounging in my bubble bath, I read the back of my bubble bath solution bottle. "Milk and Honey - with Essential Oils" it stated. OK. I get why bubble bath needs oils. But why even state that? It's rather vague. Then I turned over and was looking at my flickering candle. "French Vanilla with Essential Oils" it stated. WTF?
I'm perfectly Serious. It baffled me. Why state that there are "essential oils" without going into further detail about such oils? Is this a requirement by the federal trade thingy? Doesn't make sense.
Well, I decided against putting it on my cards, since my cards already had unexpected reimbursements last week, and decided on getting some groceries - stuff that can make nice quantities of delicious foods which can be frozen or saved for later. Basically, long-term foods. So, I went to the grocery store. And I spend almost ALL of that check, which actually wasn't that much, seeing as I was quite low on groceries. And I also finished up all of my familial Christmas shopping. And I also got myself a couple of treats. Yay for frugality and great deals, right?
Anyway, the treats I got myself were small, but I'm excited. I got bubble bath, and promptly gave myself a bubble bath with a flickering candle and a can of pizza-flavored Pringles. MMMM. For dinner I ate braunschweiger and pepperchini peppers. And Colby Jack cheese. MMMM. Why did my spellcheck just suggest Schwarzenegger for braunschweiger? Weirdo. I also had two bottles of Guinness.
I KNOW. I swore off spending money on alcohol, but hear me out. One of the long-term foods that make a great quantity that I plan on making is a great big pot of chili. One of the main ingredients for my chili, is Guinness. It's essential that the ground beef is sauteed in Guinness (and I add honey as well). Well, the grocery didn't carry the individual bottles or cans that I usually purchase for this recipe, so I was forced to buy the six-pack, even though I only use one bottle for the chili. So... that makes sense, right?
At any rate, I wasn't ALL lazy and indulgent today. The cable guy came over to fix my home internets, and I also enrolled in both college classes which start in January. I ALSO played my LotR game and finally won a game of it, and I ALSO typed out all of my short story which I've been working on for the past few weeks, at least as far as I had written out so far. I'm almost to the end. It's over three-thousand words and I still have the last eighth or so to write. And then the editing, throwing in of details and inner thoughts and the second story. But at least I got it all in electronic format tonight. And I owe it to the Guinness. Otherwise I'd've been distraced and/or lost my patience.
Oh, Essential Oils? As I was lounging in my bubble bath, I read the back of my bubble bath solution bottle. "Milk and Honey - with Essential Oils" it stated. OK. I get why bubble bath needs oils. But why even state that? It's rather vague. Then I turned over and was looking at my flickering candle. "French Vanilla with Essential Oils" it stated. WTF?
I'm perfectly Serious. It baffled me. Why state that there are "essential oils" without going into further detail about such oils? Is this a requirement by the federal trade thingy? Doesn't make sense.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Cookies and Milk
I decided on Friday last week to stop taking my meds. So far, so good. I've had a couple of 'down days', but nothing terrible or intrusive. The side effects were just too much - as I told Ben, "I can handle ups and downs, but I can't handle headaches every day." I was feeling like an invalid - all shaky and unsure of my footing, with tremors and typos and foggy head. Now everything is MUCH better. I may still go for therapy in the future, but first things first.
And one of the first things is: Christmas. I have most of my minimal Christmas shopping completed, with only a few stragglers left to take care of.
The other, most important, first thing is: School. Tuesday I am sitting in on a class by an instructor who may possibly grant me entry into his class in January if he is impressed enough by my sample work and work ethic. Once I sit in, I can find out one way or the other and sign up for those classes (I'll be taking two classes next semester).
Finally, I *can* sign up because I just got two unexpected refunds on my credit cards. Which brings them both under the $2k mark. It's difficult not to use them for Christmas shopping, but I have restrained myself thus far, and will not use them at all except for my classes :-) Yay for self control.
Speaking of self-control, I am debating turning on the heat in my apartment. My electric bill is estimated to be $35 this month, but my fingers are cold as I'm typing, and whenever I'm home, I need socks, pants and usually a blanket. Which is cozy, but still. Guess I should just stop opening the sliding balcony door.
For Thanksgiving this year, I cooked dinner for Ben and his mom. It was my first time meeting her, and she seemed like a typical euro mom. A little more gregarious than some, but she's an airline attendant, and so I imagine she's used to talking a bit more. The dinner turned out really great (whew!) and now Ben has plenty of leftovers in his fridge. It's fair, because one of his friends gave us a bag of homeade chocolate chip cookies and I put them in my take-out bag (which also contains a big hunk of prime rib and mashed potatoes. MMMMM), so, you know the saying: Possession is 9/10's of Ownership. The cookies are MINE. I actually had one with a glass of milk for dinner. Delicious.
I had planned on finishing Grandma's story this weekend, but it turned out to be a little busier than planned, so I should go work on that now.
And one of the first things is: Christmas. I have most of my minimal Christmas shopping completed, with only a few stragglers left to take care of.
The other, most important, first thing is: School. Tuesday I am sitting in on a class by an instructor who may possibly grant me entry into his class in January if he is impressed enough by my sample work and work ethic. Once I sit in, I can find out one way or the other and sign up for those classes (I'll be taking two classes next semester).
Finally, I *can* sign up because I just got two unexpected refunds on my credit cards. Which brings them both under the $2k mark. It's difficult not to use them for Christmas shopping, but I have restrained myself thus far, and will not use them at all except for my classes :-) Yay for self control.
Speaking of self-control, I am debating turning on the heat in my apartment. My electric bill is estimated to be $35 this month, but my fingers are cold as I'm typing, and whenever I'm home, I need socks, pants and usually a blanket. Which is cozy, but still. Guess I should just stop opening the sliding balcony door.
For Thanksgiving this year, I cooked dinner for Ben and his mom. It was my first time meeting her, and she seemed like a typical euro mom. A little more gregarious than some, but she's an airline attendant, and so I imagine she's used to talking a bit more. The dinner turned out really great (whew!) and now Ben has plenty of leftovers in his fridge. It's fair, because one of his friends gave us a bag of homeade chocolate chip cookies and I put them in my take-out bag (which also contains a big hunk of prime rib and mashed potatoes. MMMMM), so, you know the saying: Possession is 9/10's of Ownership. The cookies are MINE. I actually had one with a glass of milk for dinner. Delicious.
I had planned on finishing Grandma's story this weekend, but it turned out to be a little busier than planned, so I should go work on that now.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Contradictory
This weekend I pulled up wikipedia to see what the side effects of my lithium are, because I've been having a lot of very bad headaches. I was *not* happy to see that lithium increases the risk of significant weight gain, or that it's a medicine I won't be able to take for more than a few years because of kidney interference. But the other meds also had bad side effects...
So far, I've been drinking waaaay less alcohol. It just doesn't sound good anymore. Unless it's frozen. I've also been losing weight again, contrary to the side effects of lithium. It might be because I'm more busy, physically and mentally, at work, and don't have the time or boredom to snack. It could be because I've been being satisfied by smaller quantities. Nevertheless, it's nice to be below 120 again.
Speaking of work, it's great to be back in the old department, even if it HAS changed (+2 new people, -1 of my favorite people). It's taking a little bit of time, but the old procedures are coming back. Insofar as my second job, I've only gotten one paycheck so far, so I quit working until I get paid. It's nice not to have to work when I get home from work. Plus, I've been very frugal. Cutting coupons, buying out of the bargain bin, no sushi, no buying alcohol (I broke this rule only once so far, because the wine bottles were $4 - good wine too!), no clothes (I broke this one too, b/c I had a shopping urge and needed tampons. But the scarf was only $3, so there.), and less electricity. I can't remember the last time I ran my A/C, the heat has never been on, and the big balcony door has been open every night and nice day. My electric bill this month was only $44. I'm going to start turning off my computers every night now, to see if I can't get the bill even lower. Gotta pay for christmas shopping somehow, you know? :-) Plus, I just want to see how low I can get that damned bill.
Speaking of christmas shopping, I've already got my mom taken care of, part of Ben's done, and part of my nieces/nephews. Now I just have all three sisters and the rest of Ben's to do. I plan to write a story for my grandma for christmas, and maybe send a box of chocolate with it.
The kitties have been doing great. They love the fresh air from the balcony door, and I recently put down two cardboard boxes lined with fleece blankets. I put them side by side along the wall, and that's where the kitties hang out, especially when it's cooler, unless they see that I too have a blanket. Then they want to cuddle with me.
That's all for now. I have to go plot a storyline for a couple of shorts.
So far, I've been drinking waaaay less alcohol. It just doesn't sound good anymore. Unless it's frozen. I've also been losing weight again, contrary to the side effects of lithium. It might be because I'm more busy, physically and mentally, at work, and don't have the time or boredom to snack. It could be because I've been being satisfied by smaller quantities. Nevertheless, it's nice to be below 120 again.
Speaking of work, it's great to be back in the old department, even if it HAS changed (+2 new people, -1 of my favorite people). It's taking a little bit of time, but the old procedures are coming back. Insofar as my second job, I've only gotten one paycheck so far, so I quit working until I get paid. It's nice not to have to work when I get home from work. Plus, I've been very frugal. Cutting coupons, buying out of the bargain bin, no sushi, no buying alcohol (I broke this rule only once so far, because the wine bottles were $4 - good wine too!), no clothes (I broke this one too, b/c I had a shopping urge and needed tampons. But the scarf was only $3, so there.), and less electricity. I can't remember the last time I ran my A/C, the heat has never been on, and the big balcony door has been open every night and nice day. My electric bill this month was only $44. I'm going to start turning off my computers every night now, to see if I can't get the bill even lower. Gotta pay for christmas shopping somehow, you know? :-) Plus, I just want to see how low I can get that damned bill.
Speaking of christmas shopping, I've already got my mom taken care of, part of Ben's done, and part of my nieces/nephews. Now I just have all three sisters and the rest of Ben's to do. I plan to write a story for my grandma for christmas, and maybe send a box of chocolate with it.
The kitties have been doing great. They love the fresh air from the balcony door, and I recently put down two cardboard boxes lined with fleece blankets. I put them side by side along the wall, and that's where the kitties hang out, especially when it's cooler, unless they see that I too have a blanket. Then they want to cuddle with me.
That's all for now. I have to go plot a storyline for a couple of shorts.
Monday, November 14, 2011
11/14/2011
SO TIRED.
It's only 9:21.
I'm trying to work on a story for my grandma for christmas, and I think I have picked an idea to flesh out, but it's difficult right now. I have some other ideas too, which I've kept record of in my phone, in random notebooks, and on my laptop. And my desktop. They're scattered all over the place.
Joy.
Whatever I write, it needs to have a good plot because I don't want a boring story. I'm excellent at description, decent at dialogue, but horrible with plots. This will be interesting, because I'm determined to do it.
But now... bed.
By the way, online tarot card readings are just plain crappy.
It's only 9:21.
I'm trying to work on a story for my grandma for christmas, and I think I have picked an idea to flesh out, but it's difficult right now. I have some other ideas too, which I've kept record of in my phone, in random notebooks, and on my laptop. And my desktop. They're scattered all over the place.
Joy.
Whatever I write, it needs to have a good plot because I don't want a boring story. I'm excellent at description, decent at dialogue, but horrible with plots. This will be interesting, because I'm determined to do it.
But now... bed.
By the way, online tarot card readings are just plain crappy.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Making Things Work
I discovered last night that my meds won't last til my last appointment. That's not necessarily a problem since the dr can send the prescription to my pharmacy; the problem is that I have to pay a co-pay for them, and all I'd budgeted was for my next appointments' copay. I could put it on my credit card, but as noted in my last post, I'm not using those except for classes now.
Today I went through my clothes and sorted the ones I don't want anymore, or can't wear anymore (b/c of the boobs), into two piles - one pile which can be consigned, and one pile to donate to goodwill. I took the consign pile down to a shop which gives cash or store credit. They only select seasonal clothes, and most of mine were summer. However, they took three shirts that I haven't worn in years, and a pair of Puma's I've only worn a few times (because they are too big and hurt my feet), and I got $20 out of the deal. $20 for 4 items I never wear? = $20 for my meds copay. Sweet!
This afternoon I got some work done on Treka, and will do some more later tonight, maybe.
I can't wait until everything really falls together and I can spend more time with Ben and my friends and relax and have fun without worrying all the time.
Today I went through my clothes and sorted the ones I don't want anymore, or can't wear anymore (b/c of the boobs), into two piles - one pile which can be consigned, and one pile to donate to goodwill. I took the consign pile down to a shop which gives cash or store credit. They only select seasonal clothes, and most of mine were summer. However, they took three shirts that I haven't worn in years, and a pair of Puma's I've only worn a few times (because they are too big and hurt my feet), and I got $20 out of the deal. $20 for 4 items I never wear? = $20 for my meds copay. Sweet!
This afternoon I got some work done on Treka, and will do some more later tonight, maybe.
I can't wait until everything really falls together and I can spend more time with Ben and my friends and relax and have fun without worrying all the time.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Good Things
I'm going to try to write this post, but it might turn out boring or annoying, as the main things on my mind right now are 1) Food, 2) Things to Do, 3) $$ and 4) Goals. Oh, and Hanky Panky. But that will be taken care of tonight, as will the food.
Hmm. Let me break this down to make it easier for myself.
Pychiatrist/Med Drama
This area is going pretty well. As I mentioned in my last post, I think the lithium level is where it needs to be. I've been on a rather even keel. My stress level has gone down somewhat because my thoughts are much more organized. I decided to hold off on the therapy side of things, because of the following area...
$$$
Well, I've obviously talked about this enough in past posts. So today I'm just going to mention that in addition to my budget, I have listed out my goals in order of priority, and mapped out ways to make those goals happen, as well as rewards for completing said goals. First thing, I'm not buying any more alcohol. Honestly, that's the first thing that should and can go. That's not to say I won't drink it; I will, but only if someone gives it to me, or if I already have it in the house. However, this is going to be very difficult as Ben and I often go to events and concerts where drinking is expected. So I'm going to try this plan: everytime I feel like I would purchase a drink or two, I won't, and instead I'll go home take that $$ out of my bank and put it on my card. I've also banned sushi. Sigh. On the up-side, my reward for reaching the first goal (paying off my largest credit card) is a nice sushi dinner with sake. That will be a meal to look forward to, because the satisfaction will make the heretofore banned sushi and sake that much more delicious. Then on to the next goals. I have separated these into about 4 goals. When I reach ALL of those goals, I will take at least one day off work to get a pedi, massage and go shopping, before having a delicious Melting Pot or steak (or sushi) dinner that evening. So, I think my goals are feasible, but the limitations and sacrifices I put on myself to reach those goals will be frustrating.
Work
Very good things! On Monday, I start working in Marketing Development - the same department I was working in before I moved to Ohio. The people are good, the work is infinitely more interesting, I'll get to travel again, be classified as a 'specialist' (meaning larger bonuses), and have my old awesome boss back.
School
That's right. I'm starting school in January. I am one of 10-12 people in the entire district who was accepted into the Creative Writing Certificate Program this semester. I met with the head of the program on Tuesday... and was completely overwhelmed with how at-ease she put me, her (and other instructors) reviews of my portfolio, and the benefits for certificate students. She even volunteered herself to be my mentor for the three one-on-one courses which are required, even though we'd have to do the meeting after 4, which she doesn't prefer to do. I cried happy sobs and tears for most of the evening. I feel so validated and re-inspired. Help IS out there. I just have to look for it.
Okay, those are my areas. Ben and I are still doing quite well - I'm happy with him, but we're still taking things slow. I've acquired a fondness for coupons, and have a binder to keep them in. Who knows if I'll use them, though. The quiznos and subways 'BOGO's are pretty nice to have around. I've also begun cooking things in large quantities and freezing them for future dinners and lunches. That's mostly soup though. Not meat or pasta, because, frozen pasta? Eww.
I'm also trying to move around and exercise more. Now that the meds have leveled, I'm feeling more energetic. Tomorrow is the JDRF Walk (juvenile diabetes research foundation), and Tempe is the world largest JDRF walk ever. Ben and I will be going and alternating between jogging/walking the 5k. Since it's cooled down outside, we'll also be hiking on the weekends.
Wow, so that got long. I'm going to close it for now and maybe do some TREKA work. Or clean things a little more before Ben gets here for the night.
Hmm. Let me break this down to make it easier for myself.
Pychiatrist/Med Drama
This area is going pretty well. As I mentioned in my last post, I think the lithium level is where it needs to be. I've been on a rather even keel. My stress level has gone down somewhat because my thoughts are much more organized. I decided to hold off on the therapy side of things, because of the following area...
$$$
Well, I've obviously talked about this enough in past posts. So today I'm just going to mention that in addition to my budget, I have listed out my goals in order of priority, and mapped out ways to make those goals happen, as well as rewards for completing said goals. First thing, I'm not buying any more alcohol. Honestly, that's the first thing that should and can go. That's not to say I won't drink it; I will, but only if someone gives it to me, or if I already have it in the house. However, this is going to be very difficult as Ben and I often go to events and concerts where drinking is expected. So I'm going to try this plan: everytime I feel like I would purchase a drink or two, I won't, and instead I'll go home take that $$ out of my bank and put it on my card. I've also banned sushi. Sigh. On the up-side, my reward for reaching the first goal (paying off my largest credit card) is a nice sushi dinner with sake. That will be a meal to look forward to, because the satisfaction will make the heretofore banned sushi and sake that much more delicious. Then on to the next goals. I have separated these into about 4 goals. When I reach ALL of those goals, I will take at least one day off work to get a pedi, massage and go shopping, before having a delicious Melting Pot or steak (or sushi) dinner that evening. So, I think my goals are feasible, but the limitations and sacrifices I put on myself to reach those goals will be frustrating.
Work
Very good things! On Monday, I start working in Marketing Development - the same department I was working in before I moved to Ohio. The people are good, the work is infinitely more interesting, I'll get to travel again, be classified as a 'specialist' (meaning larger bonuses), and have my old awesome boss back.
School
That's right. I'm starting school in January. I am one of 10-12 people in the entire district who was accepted into the Creative Writing Certificate Program this semester. I met with the head of the program on Tuesday... and was completely overwhelmed with how at-ease she put me, her (and other instructors) reviews of my portfolio, and the benefits for certificate students. She even volunteered herself to be my mentor for the three one-on-one courses which are required, even though we'd have to do the meeting after 4, which she doesn't prefer to do. I cried happy sobs and tears for most of the evening. I feel so validated and re-inspired. Help IS out there. I just have to look for it.
Okay, those are my areas. Ben and I are still doing quite well - I'm happy with him, but we're still taking things slow. I've acquired a fondness for coupons, and have a binder to keep them in. Who knows if I'll use them, though. The quiznos and subways 'BOGO's are pretty nice to have around. I've also begun cooking things in large quantities and freezing them for future dinners and lunches. That's mostly soup though. Not meat or pasta, because, frozen pasta? Eww.
I'm also trying to move around and exercise more. Now that the meds have leveled, I'm feeling more energetic. Tomorrow is the JDRF Walk (juvenile diabetes research foundation), and Tempe is the world largest JDRF walk ever. Ben and I will be going and alternating between jogging/walking the 5k. Since it's cooled down outside, we'll also be hiking on the weekends.
Wow, so that got long. I'm going to close it for now and maybe do some TREKA work. Or clean things a little more before Ben gets here for the night.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Beautiful, Bountiful Butterflies
I think my lithium level has finally gotten to where it's supposed to be. This past week I've been feeling much calmer (aside from anxiety over family things), and about 8 x's more organized in my thoughts. I'm not stumbling over my words as much as I was at one point, though I am having problems staying focused on work. I have another appointment on Tuesday, so I'll address that situation with the doctor then. And I have a referral to a therapist, but I haven't used it yet because I need to make sure that I can afford the co-pays and everything. Which is really just an excuse, because I dislike talking to strangers about my background and problems. Just way too complicated and too many things I'd rather not remember.
This weekend was fun. I didn't work at ALL (though I will probably get a couple of hours in tonight after I finish typing this). On Friday, I got off work early (I was already at 47 hours for the week anyway), ran to the grocery store, where almost everything I wanted or needed was on sale. Even pot roasts! And spinach! I ran home to put the cold stuff away, then had to leave again immediately in order to make my hair appointment (I got a deal for $25 cut/style/color at a 5-star rated salon/spa). My hair stylist was actually the salon owner, who got into the business as a tattoo artist but got burnt out and decided to do something completely new. So the salon is edgy, with waxing and nail services, and in the back, a tattoo parlor. He did a great job with my hair and provided good conversation throughout. I'll be returning to that location. After my hair was finished, I came home, where Ben met me (he gets off work later than I do), and I cooked us a delicious homemade spaghetti dinner with the perfect bottle of Chianti to top it off. Saturday morning, we went hiking with a couple of friends up Squaw Peak, and we actually made it all the way to the top! I was surprised and impressed with ourselves. Afterward, we went back to Ben's and hopped in the hot tub, then got ready for the evening. We went out for some Chicago-style pizza at Oregano's, then watched Contagion at the theater. Today was less busy, but we still got up early, because the Bears' game was at 10 and Ben's friend was DVR-ing it. So we went there for the game, then Ben dropped me off home. Today I haven't done a whole lot except Nap, Laundry, watch Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, and type this.
So.... yeah.
Tuesday we're going to a concert by Trentmoeller, who I don't know, but Ben likes, and Friday we're going to see Louis CK. Saturday we might hike, and in the evening maybe watch the UFC fights. At some point this week, I really need to do some more TREKA work... the overtime at my regular job has just about run out. So, that's what I'm going to do now.
This weekend was fun. I didn't work at ALL (though I will probably get a couple of hours in tonight after I finish typing this). On Friday, I got off work early (I was already at 47 hours for the week anyway), ran to the grocery store, where almost everything I wanted or needed was on sale. Even pot roasts! And spinach! I ran home to put the cold stuff away, then had to leave again immediately in order to make my hair appointment (I got a deal for $25 cut/style/color at a 5-star rated salon/spa). My hair stylist was actually the salon owner, who got into the business as a tattoo artist but got burnt out and decided to do something completely new. So the salon is edgy, with waxing and nail services, and in the back, a tattoo parlor. He did a great job with my hair and provided good conversation throughout. I'll be returning to that location. After my hair was finished, I came home, where Ben met me (he gets off work later than I do), and I cooked us a delicious homemade spaghetti dinner with the perfect bottle of Chianti to top it off. Saturday morning, we went hiking with a couple of friends up Squaw Peak, and we actually made it all the way to the top! I was surprised and impressed with ourselves. Afterward, we went back to Ben's and hopped in the hot tub, then got ready for the evening. We went out for some Chicago-style pizza at Oregano's, then watched Contagion at the theater. Today was less busy, but we still got up early, because the Bears' game was at 10 and Ben's friend was DVR-ing it. So we went there for the game, then Ben dropped me off home. Today I haven't done a whole lot except Nap, Laundry, watch Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, and type this.
So.... yeah.
Tuesday we're going to a concert by Trentmoeller, who I don't know, but Ben likes, and Friday we're going to see Louis CK. Saturday we might hike, and in the evening maybe watch the UFC fights. At some point this week, I really need to do some more TREKA work... the overtime at my regular job has just about run out. So, that's what I'm going to do now.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Squirt. Here's a Post.
A few years ago I pretty much said that I give up on trying to rebuild bridges that the other side keeps lighting on fire. Blech.
A lot has happened the last week or so, and some of it I really don't want to get into detail about on here, simply because it doesn't directly involve me. Nevertheless, it was extremely stressful and frustrating, and I became very angry and upset. I'd stopped taking Xanax because I didn't really need it now that I've switched to Lithium, but I had to take a couple this week because the anxiety hit back quite hard.
Last week I worked 52+ hours at my regular job, and some at home for Treka as well. The week before that was about the same. I don't plan to work so much overtime this week, mostly because my project is almost completed. I do plan to work late tonight though, and possibly tomorrow as well. And that should probably be all this week. Wednesday I am going to my wonderful Skeptics in a Pub meet-up group, and my friend might get to stop by beforehand to get a look at my new couch. She hasn't been by since I had any furniture at all, so it has definitely changed.Thursday, Ben got us tickets to see Primus, so that should be fun. And Friday, I am getting my hair done! I'm rather excited about this one - it has been so long since I went and did anything for myself like that. No pedi's, no hair and no shopping. But anyway, I found a great deal online to get a cut/color/style for only $25 at a salon which has only 5-star reviews thus far. Yay hair!
I think I'm kind of going into an upswing here lately - not that I'm super happy, because I'm not, but I've been sleeping less, working more, talking more, and last night around 9 decided to make a huge batch of redskin potato salad. It is soooo delicious. I also prepared my lunch and snacks for today last night, which is good, because I don't normally have a LOT of time in the mornings to do that. Especially today, because I have to go to the lab to have my blood drawn to make sure my lithium level is high enough. It opens at 7, and I plan to be one of the first, if not THE first client, so I can get to work on time, or just a few minutes late. I still have a few minutes before I have to leave though.
Here's an interesting article: Blue Escapes Death Row.
I finally got a couch as well. The kittehs love it. Parker is thrilled to feel civilized once more... oh wait. That's me. And Parker too, from all appearances. This is Pounce-Quick the Playful's first couch ever, and so I had to also get him a scratching post with spray-on catnip to keep him from clawing the couch. It seems to be working - I haven't seen him scratching it yet! Anyway, the couch was found at My Sister's Attic for a mere $400, and is in perfect condition.
I also ran by Michael's to get some pictures frames because I don't really care for having blank walls. Makes me feel like I'm in a padded room at an asylum. Gotta have some color. They had some good deals on frames, so I currently now have four pictures hanging on the walls. Next in the shopping queu? A computer desk, a longer ethernet cord (or wireless router) for my laptop so I can sit on the couch with it, a set of nice sheets, and a side/coffee table. And a floor lamp. And eventually a bedroom set.
I'm finally getting paid for my Treka work this week, and am excited for that. It should pay for all of my groceries, so that I don't have to stress about that. It might also even pay for my medical co-pays, with some left over for paying down credit cards. Speaking of which, I put almost $2k on my american express to pay it down with my bonus, and as soon as I did that, I got an email from them stating that my credit limit was lowered to my current balance. Sucky, but doesn't matter because I'm not using that card anyway, and I've been with them for so long I'll be able to get the limit moved back up when it gets paid down some more. *crosses fingers*
Anyway, it's time for me to get going to the lab to get my blood drawn, and while my wonderful sister did tell me about butterfly needles, I think I'll stick with the regular ones just so I can get out of there faster. I'm not really scared of needles - I find it fascinating watching the blood flow out and fill up the vials. Weird? yeah. But you already knew that.
A lot has happened the last week or so, and some of it I really don't want to get into detail about on here, simply because it doesn't directly involve me. Nevertheless, it was extremely stressful and frustrating, and I became very angry and upset. I'd stopped taking Xanax because I didn't really need it now that I've switched to Lithium, but I had to take a couple this week because the anxiety hit back quite hard.
Last week I worked 52+ hours at my regular job, and some at home for Treka as well. The week before that was about the same. I don't plan to work so much overtime this week, mostly because my project is almost completed. I do plan to work late tonight though, and possibly tomorrow as well. And that should probably be all this week. Wednesday I am going to my wonderful Skeptics in a Pub meet-up group, and my friend might get to stop by beforehand to get a look at my new couch. She hasn't been by since I had any furniture at all, so it has definitely changed.Thursday, Ben got us tickets to see Primus, so that should be fun. And Friday, I am getting my hair done! I'm rather excited about this one - it has been so long since I went and did anything for myself like that. No pedi's, no hair and no shopping. But anyway, I found a great deal online to get a cut/color/style for only $25 at a salon which has only 5-star reviews thus far. Yay hair!
I think I'm kind of going into an upswing here lately - not that I'm super happy, because I'm not, but I've been sleeping less, working more, talking more, and last night around 9 decided to make a huge batch of redskin potato salad. It is soooo delicious. I also prepared my lunch and snacks for today last night, which is good, because I don't normally have a LOT of time in the mornings to do that. Especially today, because I have to go to the lab to have my blood drawn to make sure my lithium level is high enough. It opens at 7, and I plan to be one of the first, if not THE first client, so I can get to work on time, or just a few minutes late. I still have a few minutes before I have to leave though.
Here's an interesting article: Blue Escapes Death Row.
I finally got a couch as well. The kittehs love it. Parker is thrilled to feel civilized once more... oh wait. That's me. And Parker too, from all appearances. This is Pounce-Quick the Playful's first couch ever, and so I had to also get him a scratching post with spray-on catnip to keep him from clawing the couch. It seems to be working - I haven't seen him scratching it yet! Anyway, the couch was found at My Sister's Attic for a mere $400, and is in perfect condition.I also ran by Michael's to get some pictures frames because I don't really care for having blank walls. Makes me feel like I'm in a padded room at an asylum. Gotta have some color. They had some good deals on frames, so I currently now have four pictures hanging on the walls. Next in the shopping queu? A computer desk, a longer ethernet cord (or wireless router) for my laptop so I can sit on the couch with it, a set of nice sheets, and a side/coffee table. And a floor lamp. And eventually a bedroom set.
I'm finally getting paid for my Treka work this week, and am excited for that. It should pay for all of my groceries, so that I don't have to stress about that. It might also even pay for my medical co-pays, with some left over for paying down credit cards. Speaking of which, I put almost $2k on my american express to pay it down with my bonus, and as soon as I did that, I got an email from them stating that my credit limit was lowered to my current balance. Sucky, but doesn't matter because I'm not using that card anyway, and I've been with them for so long I'll be able to get the limit moved back up when it gets paid down some more. *crosses fingers*
Anyway, it's time for me to get going to the lab to get my blood drawn, and while my wonderful sister did tell me about butterfly needles, I think I'll stick with the regular ones just so I can get out of there faster. I'm not really scared of needles - I find it fascinating watching the blood flow out and fill up the vials. Weird? yeah. But you already knew that.
Monday, October 10, 2011
It's Too Early To Write
It's 5:22am, and too early to write, but I felt like I needed to update. Just to say I did, y'know? Less stress, less something that I feel like I need to do.
I started Litheum about a week ago... the week has been decent aside from working soooo hard and sooo much. I have a quarterly bonus coming, and it's much nicer than I thought it would be, but at the same time, I have the opportunity to get a lot of overtime lately, so I've been grabbing that up whenever I can, and working Treka from home whenever I'm home. Last week I worked over fifty hours at my regular job, and a few from home. Would have done more from home, but had a couple of things to do, namely, a Voltaire concert (be still, my heart), and spending Saturday with Ben. Regardless, yesterday (Sunday), I went in for a couple of hours, and I'm up early this morning in hopes that I'll get an extra hour this morning, and then some this afternoon. I'm kind of tired, but only because I woke up sick at 2am and didn't get back to bed for a bit.
So yeah, that's my life lately. Work, not-much-sleep, doing things, and more work.
Shower time...
I started Litheum about a week ago... the week has been decent aside from working soooo hard and sooo much. I have a quarterly bonus coming, and it's much nicer than I thought it would be, but at the same time, I have the opportunity to get a lot of overtime lately, so I've been grabbing that up whenever I can, and working Treka from home whenever I'm home. Last week I worked over fifty hours at my regular job, and a few from home. Would have done more from home, but had a couple of things to do, namely, a Voltaire concert (be still, my heart), and spending Saturday with Ben. Regardless, yesterday (Sunday), I went in for a couple of hours, and I'm up early this morning in hopes that I'll get an extra hour this morning, and then some this afternoon. I'm kind of tired, but only because I woke up sick at 2am and didn't get back to bed for a bit.
So yeah, that's my life lately. Work, not-much-sleep, doing things, and more work.
Shower time...
Monday, October 3, 2011
Uhm Hmmm.
Well, the psychiatrist agrees with my primary care physician, or PCP, as they refer to him. See, I'm even learning the lingo. She thinks that I am probably bipolar, albeit, bi-polar type II, which is less severe than regular bi-polar disorder.The actual visit wasn't as bad as I thought... the Dr. looks like she is about my age, maybe a few years older, so it's kind of like talking to a friend-type of person, who is qualified and knows what they're talking about.
However, I had a terrible night that night. I went home to bed and stared at the ceiling for hours. The apartment was a mess, the kitties were ignoring me, and I hadn't eaten, and I just didn't care. Ben came over later that evening and we laid in bed and talked and he made me eat... Good Ben.
Since then, I am pretty sure I'm on an up-swing. Friday night was kind of euphoric - full of energy and talking and loving food. Saturday was also good. We hung around Ben's place and watched a lot of True Blood, did some grocery shopping, cooked dinner at his place and shared a bottle of wine. Sunday was a football game in the morning, and then I took a nap at his place... was feeling really tired until we got back to my place, where I kind of snapped out of it and into something... else. We went to World Market and Pier One, where I found a nice lamp (:-D), then to Keegan's for some comfort food and a beer, then to Safeway because I had to get some light bulbs for the lamp. Then we came home, and I went on a cleaning spree. Cleaned the kitchen, picked up the living room, rearranged the bookshelf, cleaned the bathroom and scrubbed the floor... still wasn't sleepy so we played some Mancala and Rummy til midnight when I decided I should probably decide to try to sleep and Ben went home.
And this morning, my eyes snapped right open and I'm awake and ready to go! And my thoughts (i've noticed all weekend) are running around... there's always a song in the back my head, and a bajillion different random thoughts bouncing around at the same time (also symptomatic of the manic side of bipolar).
And now I have to run to work... maybe I'll write more in here later today.
However, I had a terrible night that night. I went home to bed and stared at the ceiling for hours. The apartment was a mess, the kitties were ignoring me, and I hadn't eaten, and I just didn't care. Ben came over later that evening and we laid in bed and talked and he made me eat... Good Ben.
Since then, I am pretty sure I'm on an up-swing. Friday night was kind of euphoric - full of energy and talking and loving food. Saturday was also good. We hung around Ben's place and watched a lot of True Blood, did some grocery shopping, cooked dinner at his place and shared a bottle of wine. Sunday was a football game in the morning, and then I took a nap at his place... was feeling really tired until we got back to my place, where I kind of snapped out of it and into something... else. We went to World Market and Pier One, where I found a nice lamp (:-D), then to Keegan's for some comfort food and a beer, then to Safeway because I had to get some light bulbs for the lamp. Then we came home, and I went on a cleaning spree. Cleaned the kitchen, picked up the living room, rearranged the bookshelf, cleaned the bathroom and scrubbed the floor... still wasn't sleepy so we played some Mancala and Rummy til midnight when I decided I should probably decide to try to sleep and Ben went home.
And this morning, my eyes snapped right open and I'm awake and ready to go! And my thoughts (i've noticed all weekend) are running around... there's always a song in the back my head, and a bajillion different random thoughts bouncing around at the same time (also symptomatic of the manic side of bipolar).
And now I have to run to work... maybe I'll write more in here later today.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Surviving
It's been almost two months since I've received any sort of check for florida boys' loans or debts. I will survive! I have to keep telling myself this, with twenty-five dollars in the bank which is earmarked for my psychiatrist co-pay on Thursday, and a quarter tank of gas left in the car to make it til Friday. I did get some lunches at the store the other day, so I won't go entirely hungry, but it'll be tight. The good news is that I'm losing weight - down to a solid 118 now (sometimes less).
In good news, I get paid on Friday, and two weeks after that, I get another check, and a bonus check. And hopefully a check from florida in between now and then. That would be awesome. I'm looking forward to paying off my credit cards and that loan. Ideally, I'll do that before getting any more furniture, but we'll see what happens.
In mental news, I'm now taking 60 mg of Cymbalta each morning, and xanax as needed. I can usually tell I need it when I start getting tense and my chest tightens up, making it hard to breathe. Like now. I've gone without for two days, but... I also slept about 2/3rds of the weekend. Again. That was without xanax. What's up with that? Is that a sign of depression? Excessive sleep? It felt like I needed it... or was too lazy to get up...
I also have my first psychiatrist appointment Thursday afternoon. I'm scared.
In good news, I get paid on Friday, and two weeks after that, I get another check, and a bonus check. And hopefully a check from florida in between now and then. That would be awesome. I'm looking forward to paying off my credit cards and that loan. Ideally, I'll do that before getting any more furniture, but we'll see what happens.
In mental news, I'm now taking 60 mg of Cymbalta each morning, and xanax as needed. I can usually tell I need it when I start getting tense and my chest tightens up, making it hard to breathe. Like now. I've gone without for two days, but... I also slept about 2/3rds of the weekend. Again. That was without xanax. What's up with that? Is that a sign of depression? Excessive sleep? It felt like I needed it... or was too lazy to get up...
I also have my first psychiatrist appointment Thursday afternoon. I'm scared.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Life's Little Ironies
I've learned a few things in the past week.
1) Xanax will Knock.You.Dafuck.Out.
2) Cymbalta seems to be helping?
3) Racy photos on FB make for some interesting conversation with old school friends.
4) Remember sports attorney guy? Busted for 'luring' underage girls.
I feel like I dodged a bullet on the last one. Because I totally would have dated him if he had been ready for a relationship. And guess what? It would have been a complete deja vu of my whole last relationship.
As for the photos...well, the photo isn't really racy, but it does show some cleavage... This one guy from school has been on & off again checking with me to see if I'm single and if I'm ever going to visit North Carolina in the near future. He turned out pretty great himself, but I'm not going there. To North Carolina, or to see or hang out with anyone from school. Ha.
The meds... well, I was previously only on Cymbalta, and I was experiencing this weird side effect which made it hard to breathe. It felt like I was leaking oxygen before it got to my lungs. The doctor said it was anxiety, even though I wasn't *feeling* anxious and that my body was going through a minor panic attack. So he put me on Xanax. And boy did that help. I was super tense in my back and shoulders and was unconsciously grinding my teeth a lot, and worrying, worrying, worrying. Since I started taking that though, I've been grinding my teeth much less, and far less tense, and am not so obsessed with things that I can't change. It also knocked me on my backside for at least 2/3rd's of the weekend. From Friday night to Sunday night, I must have been awake only about 15 hours. That's stretching it.
The doctor is still trying to get a referral to a psychiatrist which accepts my insurance. Once we get that set up, I'll be going to see him fairly regularly, I imagine, and eventually get weaned off the meds altogether. To that end, I changed my work shift so that I have an extra hour in the afternoon to go to all of these appointments. I now work from 7:30-4. I don't mind getting up early - it seems to make the day go by faster, so it's a win-win.
That's all for now. I'm going to play a game of age of empires.
1) Xanax will Knock.You.Dafuck.Out.
2) Cymbalta seems to be helping?
3) Racy photos on FB make for some interesting conversation with old school friends.
4) Remember sports attorney guy? Busted for 'luring' underage girls.
I feel like I dodged a bullet on the last one. Because I totally would have dated him if he had been ready for a relationship. And guess what? It would have been a complete deja vu of my whole last relationship.
As for the photos...well, the photo isn't really racy, but it does show some cleavage... This one guy from school has been on & off again checking with me to see if I'm single and if I'm ever going to visit North Carolina in the near future. He turned out pretty great himself, but I'm not going there. To North Carolina, or to see or hang out with anyone from school. Ha.
The meds... well, I was previously only on Cymbalta, and I was experiencing this weird side effect which made it hard to breathe. It felt like I was leaking oxygen before it got to my lungs. The doctor said it was anxiety, even though I wasn't *feeling* anxious and that my body was going through a minor panic attack. So he put me on Xanax. And boy did that help. I was super tense in my back and shoulders and was unconsciously grinding my teeth a lot, and worrying, worrying, worrying. Since I started taking that though, I've been grinding my teeth much less, and far less tense, and am not so obsessed with things that I can't change. It also knocked me on my backside for at least 2/3rd's of the weekend. From Friday night to Sunday night, I must have been awake only about 15 hours. That's stretching it.
The doctor is still trying to get a referral to a psychiatrist which accepts my insurance. Once we get that set up, I'll be going to see him fairly regularly, I imagine, and eventually get weaned off the meds altogether. To that end, I changed my work shift so that I have an extra hour in the afternoon to go to all of these appointments. I now work from 7:30-4. I don't mind getting up early - it seems to make the day go by faster, so it's a win-win.
That's all for now. I'm going to play a game of age of empires.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Funny
Funny how sometimes things bother me, then I take some time to think it over, and, come to find out, I don't really care.
This applies to the prior post.
Day Two of meds begins today. Hopefully it's not as rough as yesterday - I felt like a yoyo careening every which way, and at the end of the day, couldn't even go to sleep and work up an untold number of times.
Wish me luck.
This applies to the prior post.
Day Two of meds begins today. Hopefully it's not as rough as yesterday - I felt like a yoyo careening every which way, and at the end of the day, couldn't even go to sleep and work up an untold number of times.
Wish me luck.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Sad.
So... it was inevitable. I found pictures of the bad florida boy and his new girlfriend, who he ended up taking on the very next agent trip the month after I left. She's pretty. She looks nice. Poor girl. But... I'm upset. Of course I knew he was seeing other people (hookers)... that's why I left. But... now they're off having fun with all of my old friends, and I'm sitting here, doped up on depression meds in a half-furnished apartment, $15k in debt that isn't being paid, and warring with myself.
Sigh.
I feel like a failure. Every relationship I try to have ends up in failure. Every.Single.One.
I'm such a fuck up.
And such a fucked up person.
but I KNOW... I know. I know.
And now the damned nausea is back.
Sigh.
I feel like a failure. Every relationship I try to have ends up in failure. Every.Single.One.
I'm such a fuck up.
And such a fucked up person.
but I KNOW... I know. I know.
And now the damned nausea is back.
Day One
Well, this is interesting. Today I started taking anti-depressions meds. I have run the gamut from feeling heavy limbed, light-headed, like I was in a bubble (if I poked it, it would burst), sleepy, wide-awake, feeling like my brain is wrapped in bubble-wrap (don't ask), focused!, panicy, and so on and so forth.
The dr says it may take a few days to even out...
He's also looking into a psychiatrist for me b/c I think I may be either 1) bi-polar, 2) ADD, or 3) both.
Yeepers Jeebers.
The dr says it may take a few days to even out...
He's also looking into a psychiatrist for me b/c I think I may be either 1) bi-polar, 2) ADD, or 3) both.
Yeepers Jeebers.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Meltdown
Last night, I went out with some friends for a birthday party. Ben was there as well. He's been very understanding of my whole 'time and space' feelings.
Well, everyone got drunk. And I had a meltdown. Fortunately, we were on the way home, and the thing that triggered it was Ben stating that I was ignoring him. I probably was, but it wasn't intentional - I was just having a good time with my friends. In retrospect, he probably felt a little out of place since he didn't really know anyone there, and I can totally understand that. But at the time, I felt like in light of our whole conversation about needing time and space, it was unfair of him to say. But that's not what this is all about.
We got back to my place, and I had looong drunken conversation all about how I have been feeling lately and how I really do need the time and space and about how fucking confused I've been. The conversation escalated into a discussion of whether or not there really are any good people out there, and if there are, what does it matter, because life is just utterly futile. You do something good, you die. The person you did something good for dies. Everyone dies. We're like a huge ant-mound, little flecks of matter in this gigantic universe.
Ben doesn't want me messing around with other girls. I can understand. But he also needs to understand that that attraction is part of who I am. As I've repeatedly said, I'm done with letting other people dictate who I am. Apparently I need to find someone who is OK with that side of me, whether it be threesomes or just a little adventure on the side.
We, well, *I* went to sleep as the sun was coming up. Poor Ben. He feels bad. I feel bad. Neither one of us know what to do.
We usually hang out on Sundays, but not today. I wish I knew what he was thinking, but I don't think HE even knows that right now.
Well, everyone got drunk. And I had a meltdown. Fortunately, we were on the way home, and the thing that triggered it was Ben stating that I was ignoring him. I probably was, but it wasn't intentional - I was just having a good time with my friends. In retrospect, he probably felt a little out of place since he didn't really know anyone there, and I can totally understand that. But at the time, I felt like in light of our whole conversation about needing time and space, it was unfair of him to say. But that's not what this is all about.
We got back to my place, and I had looong drunken conversation all about how I have been feeling lately and how I really do need the time and space and about how fucking confused I've been. The conversation escalated into a discussion of whether or not there really are any good people out there, and if there are, what does it matter, because life is just utterly futile. You do something good, you die. The person you did something good for dies. Everyone dies. We're like a huge ant-mound, little flecks of matter in this gigantic universe.
Ben doesn't want me messing around with other girls. I can understand. But he also needs to understand that that attraction is part of who I am. As I've repeatedly said, I'm done with letting other people dictate who I am. Apparently I need to find someone who is OK with that side of me, whether it be threesomes or just a little adventure on the side.
We, well, *I* went to sleep as the sun was coming up. Poor Ben. He feels bad. I feel bad. Neither one of us know what to do.
We usually hang out on Sundays, but not today. I wish I knew what he was thinking, but I don't think HE even knows that right now.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Wine Talking? No... Maybe?
This might be the two glasses of wine talking, but maybe I'm just destined to be fucked up in the head, and maybe I should just deal with it. Maybe I'm doomed to be confused... torn this way and that... vacillating between two completely different, opposing, schools of thought. And I'm talking about relationships here, nothing else, because everything else I think I have mainly (partly?) figured out. I'm SO FREAKING CONFUSED. And I can't make myself take much time alone. Maybe I'm just not good company. That's something to think about. How can other people like being around myself when I'm bored being around myself all the time? But it's not that I'm bored, it's that I'm just... wanting to BE with someone. To talk to, to exchange sarcastic eye contact with... to laugh with.
GARR.
O, I want to cry... but why?! Why, why, why. And yes, I promise, it's only been 2 glasses of wine. Maybe I'm just getting better at acknowledging my feelings?! At least, the conflict between them? I know I must be driving some people crazy with my conflicting statements and requests and actions.
WHAT IS THIS CALLED? IS THIS COMMON? WHY AM I FEELING THESE WAYS?
At any rate, this is my writing for the night.
GARR.
O, I want to cry... but why?! Why, why, why. And yes, I promise, it's only been 2 glasses of wine. Maybe I'm just getting better at acknowledging my feelings?! At least, the conflict between them? I know I must be driving some people crazy with my conflicting statements and requests and actions.
WHAT IS THIS CALLED? IS THIS COMMON? WHY AM I FEELING THESE WAYS?
At any rate, this is my writing for the night.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Time
I hope I did the right thing. I told Ben that I need more time alone because I'm not emotionally available to invest in a relationship right now. I think we're still going to see each other, but not as much. I think he understands. I hope so.
Next, I need to look up my old dr and see about getting a prescription to anti-depression meds, and also to check with my insurance to see if it covers therapists or counselors or something of the like.
I feel so messed up inside - and it makes me feel worse to realize that I might actually need external (chemical) influences to help. I know it shouldn't.
I made an excel spreadsheet with some daily/weekly goals that I'd like to keep track of, for example, playing with the kitties (toys, not petting) for at least 15 minutes a day (for their own health), some form of exercise, some form of writing, limit on daily intake of coffee (since I can't sleep when I drink much, and when I don't sleep, I get cranky), and maybe some other things. We'll see how that goes.
I'm crossing my fingers here - hoping that all of this will help and that I'll be back to my normal carefree self in little time.
Also in my goals are plans to pay off my credit cards (of course) and get a real office desk and a couch. I think once all of those things fall in place then I'll be feeling better as well.
I know I'm going to get lonely, but maybe that's part of the healing process?
Next, I need to look up my old dr and see about getting a prescription to anti-depression meds, and also to check with my insurance to see if it covers therapists or counselors or something of the like.
I feel so messed up inside - and it makes me feel worse to realize that I might actually need external (chemical) influences to help. I know it shouldn't.
I made an excel spreadsheet with some daily/weekly goals that I'd like to keep track of, for example, playing with the kitties (toys, not petting) for at least 15 minutes a day (for their own health), some form of exercise, some form of writing, limit on daily intake of coffee (since I can't sleep when I drink much, and when I don't sleep, I get cranky), and maybe some other things. We'll see how that goes.
I'm crossing my fingers here - hoping that all of this will help and that I'll be back to my normal carefree self in little time.
Also in my goals are plans to pay off my credit cards (of course) and get a real office desk and a couch. I think once all of those things fall in place then I'll be feeling better as well.
I know I'm going to get lonely, but maybe that's part of the healing process?
Monday, September 5, 2011
So Confused
I think the title says it all. I'm pretty damn confused about a lot of things lately. I don't want to put it all out there until I've had more of a chance to think and talk it over, but my insides are like a quarreling maelstrom of thoughts and questions and indecision.
It's not fair to anyone.
It's not fair to anyone.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Mandatory Update
Maybe one day I'll have a blog like Zoe's Journal used to be - full of funny ramblings and whimsical side-notes. Until then, that is, until that day when things have settled down into a comfortable routine and my apartment is comfy and furnished and Beth is perfectly content, then this blog will have to suffice.
So, here's my update for the time being. Well, there's not really anything to say. No new furniture, no new job. But I did get a new kitty! He is a five-month old boy, who I have named Pounce-Quick the Playful, AKA Mouse. Don't ask - I don't know.
At any rate, he's perfect for Parker, who is becoming more and more tolerant as the hours pass. Today they wrestled for a bit - Mouse, playful and excitedly, Parker, somewhat terrified, but game.
However, the little Monster will NOT let me sleep! He require some training, and, if that doesn't work, declawing.
I just finished the p90x ab ripper routine - all of 20 minutes. My body thanks me with endorphines, and I'm sure the scale number will be rewarding.
Last night, Ben and I went to see Conan: Rise of the Barbarian. Jason Momoa is mouth-wateringly delicious. And so delightfully barbarian. "Woman! Come here!"
We're also making our way through the four seasons that comprise True Blood. Season Two is about half-way through. Next in the queue: Game of Thrones and Boardwalk Empire.
That's about all... I have a roast steaming in the crock pot and a whole lot of cleaning to do tonight. Nary a dull moment around here.
At any rate, he's perfect for Parker, who is becoming more and more tolerant as the hours pass. Today they wrestled for a bit - Mouse, playful and excitedly, Parker, somewhat terrified, but game.
However, the little Monster will NOT let me sleep! He require some training, and, if that doesn't work, declawing.
I just finished the p90x ab ripper routine - all of 20 minutes. My body thanks me with endorphines, and I'm sure the scale number will be rewarding.
Last night, Ben and I went to see Conan: Rise of the Barbarian. Jason Momoa is mouth-wateringly delicious. And so delightfully barbarian. "Woman! Come here!"
We're also making our way through the four seasons that comprise True Blood. Season Two is about half-way through. Next in the queue: Game of Thrones and Boardwalk Empire.
That's about all... I have a roast steaming in the crock pot and a whole lot of cleaning to do tonight. Nary a dull moment around here.
Monday, August 8, 2011
A Better Life
It's been over a month since my last post. Things have improved.
My apartment studio now features a king-sized mattress set and a bookshelf (full of my books!). I'll get an actual bed later - right now I'm just happy not to be sleeping on a pile of blankets. Most of my books have arrived, though I'm obviously missing some. I'd really love to get my artwork and sheet music (and my ps2...), but if I ever see those again, I'll be surprised, which sucks because most of the sheet music is antique and I have some framed. And the other artwork might be a little big to expect to be put into a box and shipped.
The kitchen now has a nice bowl for wine corks, a crockpot, some baking dishes, and shelf liner! yay! I am slowly beginning to feel more civilized as the little things come together. Eventually I will have my place exactly the way I want it to be. Next on my list? Well, I am deciding between an office desk/chair or a couch. I'll probably go with the office desk because they're cheaper, and I will at least be able to sit down for meals while surfing the web. Though, technically, I could sit and eat on a couch as well, with my fold-able TV tables. Which should I get next?
Work is getting old... I've been sharing a desk with the same girl since I started back, and I'm about to flip out if they don't move me soon. I've taken to going up and down the stairs to the building, all four flights, just to work it out. It's not that she's not nice - she is. She is just so.... annoying. And I'm sure that's just because she's been so. freaking. close.
Parker has gained a couple of pounds since the move. No puppy to chase around and wrestle with. I got her some stuffed mice, which she loves, but I'm not home often enough to make her play enough to lose anything. I guess I could feed her less, but then, what if I can't come home when I expect to, and she runs out of food?
I am also 'officially' seeing someone. If you're on my FB, you have probably guessed this. And if you're not on my FB, you probably don't matter anyway... and most likely wouldn't even be reading this, so there.
I've also gained back some of the weight I lost, and it's time to try to keep it off. So, hello again, P90X and yoga. It's just so HOT here. And whenever I try to exercise, my feet cramp up something fierce because I've been wearing heels too often. Today I worked through it though... it took a few minutes of massaging and cursing and walking and stretching, but we got through it. *fierce lioness growl*
That's about all for now. I finally got internet hooked up in my apartment a couple of weekends ago, so I'll try to keep this blog more updated than it has been lately.
My apartment studio now features a king-sized mattress set and a bookshelf (full of my books!). I'll get an actual bed later - right now I'm just happy not to be sleeping on a pile of blankets. Most of my books have arrived, though I'm obviously missing some. I'd really love to get my artwork and sheet music (and my ps2...), but if I ever see those again, I'll be surprised, which sucks because most of the sheet music is antique and I have some framed. And the other artwork might be a little big to expect to be put into a box and shipped.
The kitchen now has a nice bowl for wine corks, a crockpot, some baking dishes, and shelf liner! yay! I am slowly beginning to feel more civilized as the little things come together. Eventually I will have my place exactly the way I want it to be. Next on my list? Well, I am deciding between an office desk/chair or a couch. I'll probably go with the office desk because they're cheaper, and I will at least be able to sit down for meals while surfing the web. Though, technically, I could sit and eat on a couch as well, with my fold-able TV tables. Which should I get next?
Work is getting old... I've been sharing a desk with the same girl since I started back, and I'm about to flip out if they don't move me soon. I've taken to going up and down the stairs to the building, all four flights, just to work it out. It's not that she's not nice - she is. She is just so.... annoying. And I'm sure that's just because she's been so. freaking. close.
Parker has gained a couple of pounds since the move. No puppy to chase around and wrestle with. I got her some stuffed mice, which she loves, but I'm not home often enough to make her play enough to lose anything. I guess I could feed her less, but then, what if I can't come home when I expect to, and she runs out of food?
I am also 'officially' seeing someone. If you're on my FB, you have probably guessed this. And if you're not on my FB, you probably don't matter anyway... and most likely wouldn't even be reading this, so there.
I've also gained back some of the weight I lost, and it's time to try to keep it off. So, hello again, P90X and yoga. It's just so HOT here. And whenever I try to exercise, my feet cramp up something fierce because I've been wearing heels too often. Today I worked through it though... it took a few minutes of massaging and cursing and walking and stretching, but we got through it. *fierce lioness growl*
That's about all for now. I finally got internet hooked up in my apartment a couple of weekends ago, so I'll try to keep this blog more updated than it has been lately.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Getting It Off My Chest
Something has been bothering me lately. Well, several things actually. Why is it that people are OK with believing lies about me while I'm being threatened not to tell anyone the truth about him? Why is it that I got the dirty end of the deal? I was lied to, cheated on, physically and verbally abused,threatened, and now dirty lies are being told about me. While HE gets off scott-free - with friends saying "I can't believe she left you! and for another guy! and she took your money! What a little piece of trash!"
Secondly, what's been bothering more lately is that HE twisted my head to make me believe that I provoked his physical attacks on me. Yes, there was a time when I slapped his face... but that was because he yanking me by the arm, yelling, calling me names and accusing me of things that I just *don't* do. That doesn't justify an attack while I'm laying in bed, having my head slammed against the corner of a nightstand, having his face all up in mine, yelling, threatening to kill me, to really hurt me, because he *could*. The second time I did absolutely nothing to provoke him, but he used the face-slapping reason again. Sitting naked in a tub full of water, he was up in my face, yelling "whore" at me. I never even saw the blow coming but it was so hard hit my head on the bottom of the tub, underneath the water. I did *nothing* to deserve that. And then the last night... another one in bed, up in my face, saying he could kill me, that I should really be grateful for what I had because so many other girls would love to be in my position.
But what really bothers me right now is that the FEAR is so much greater now than it was. I have periods where I'm sitting, remembering, and start shaking at the memories. It brings back other memories, of my first boyfriend and his violent temper, of incidents in my childhood, of other, less violent, but nonetheless frightening, experiences. At times I am entirely incapacitated by these memories and sit like a zombie, hands trembling on my keyboard or desk.
And I realize now that the physical attacks and verbal abuse are just as bad as him bringing hookers up to his hotel room...
I would love to say that I will never let myself be put into that position again, but at this point, I am very much doubting my instincts and my trust in men is pretty much destroyed right now.
This week I have no plans (yet) and am trying to take some time for myself... to think, to find myself again, to start healing. Apparently, the wound was deeper than I thought, since the shock has worn off.
But I miss him. I miss the stability. I miss his funny jokes, spontaneous dances, the way he burst into song, his voice impersonations, his professional demeanor wen work called, and the way he called us a 'family'.
He never said he was sorry.
I am so mixed up inside.
Secondly, what's been bothering more lately is that HE twisted my head to make me believe that I provoked his physical attacks on me. Yes, there was a time when I slapped his face... but that was because he yanking me by the arm, yelling, calling me names and accusing me of things that I just *don't* do. That doesn't justify an attack while I'm laying in bed, having my head slammed against the corner of a nightstand, having his face all up in mine, yelling, threatening to kill me, to really hurt me, because he *could*. The second time I did absolutely nothing to provoke him, but he used the face-slapping reason again. Sitting naked in a tub full of water, he was up in my face, yelling "whore" at me. I never even saw the blow coming but it was so hard hit my head on the bottom of the tub, underneath the water. I did *nothing* to deserve that. And then the last night... another one in bed, up in my face, saying he could kill me, that I should really be grateful for what I had because so many other girls would love to be in my position.
But what really bothers me right now is that the FEAR is so much greater now than it was. I have periods where I'm sitting, remembering, and start shaking at the memories. It brings back other memories, of my first boyfriend and his violent temper, of incidents in my childhood, of other, less violent, but nonetheless frightening, experiences. At times I am entirely incapacitated by these memories and sit like a zombie, hands trembling on my keyboard or desk.
And I realize now that the physical attacks and verbal abuse are just as bad as him bringing hookers up to his hotel room...
I would love to say that I will never let myself be put into that position again, but at this point, I am very much doubting my instincts and my trust in men is pretty much destroyed right now.
This week I have no plans (yet) and am trying to take some time for myself... to think, to find myself again, to start healing. Apparently, the wound was deeper than I thought, since the shock has worn off.
But I miss him. I miss the stability. I miss his funny jokes, spontaneous dances, the way he burst into song, his voice impersonations, his professional demeanor wen work called, and the way he called us a 'family'.
He never said he was sorry.
I am so mixed up inside.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Learning Disappointment
According to my last post, I was supposed to have to received the rest of my clothes by the end of this week, which was yesterday. Well, Yesterday came and went, and my clothes did not arrive. In the meantime, I washed (and dried) my laundry with a black ink pen, so some of my clothes are stained - not badly, thank goodness, but badly enough that I would really appreciate my boxes to have arrived yesterday.
I did go grocery shopping, and spent about $170 on food and cleaning supplies. I shouldn't have to get anything besides fresh veggies and maybe some spices for a good while. Parker's canned kitty food is stocked up now as well ;-)
The apartment complex finally fixed the green pool behind my place, so yesterday I got to lay out for a while. It was nice - only a few people were there, and the water was really warm. I will probably go out there again today and swim some laps (there was no one out there when I walked past just a little bit ago).
My original plan for this weekend was to go furniture shopping, but A. only sent $500, and I want to have about $1k to spend whenever I go, so I can just get everything all at once. So I'll save up after I pay my rent and what-not, and maybe go sometime next month. July 4th sales?! Maybe. I'll also check out some mattress warehouses which might have some cheaper king-size mattresses than IKEA. The blankets I've been sleeping on up til now will just have to do for another week or two.
The wi-fi here in the lobby is spotty, and I have some things to do, so will end this here for now.
I did go grocery shopping, and spent about $170 on food and cleaning supplies. I shouldn't have to get anything besides fresh veggies and maybe some spices for a good while. Parker's canned kitty food is stocked up now as well ;-)
The apartment complex finally fixed the green pool behind my place, so yesterday I got to lay out for a while. It was nice - only a few people were there, and the water was really warm. I will probably go out there again today and swim some laps (there was no one out there when I walked past just a little bit ago).
My original plan for this weekend was to go furniture shopping, but A. only sent $500, and I want to have about $1k to spend whenever I go, so I can just get everything all at once. So I'll save up after I pay my rent and what-not, and maybe go sometime next month. July 4th sales?! Maybe. I'll also check out some mattress warehouses which might have some cheaper king-size mattresses than IKEA. The blankets I've been sleeping on up til now will just have to do for another week or two.
The wi-fi here in the lobby is spotty, and I have some things to do, so will end this here for now.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Fly
I have discovered wifi in my gym. Talk about a conflict of interests! At least it's open 24 hours, so I can come in whenever I want. And now I can download movies while I'm getting my workout :)
That's all for now, folks. If you know me well, you know what's going on.
Also, I should have all my clothes by the end of the week! Yeah!
That's all for now, folks. If you know me well, you know what's going on.
Also, I should have all my clothes by the end of the week! Yeah!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Maybe
A sneaking suspicion has crept up on me that maybe I'm not a good writer insomuch as simply a depraved and disturbed individual.
Comfortably Numb
Tonight I'm listening to Pink Floyd in my new apartment, head propped up against the wall, with a glass of wine 1/3rd full at my elbow, and am typing out my very first blog post ever from my phone.
I'm an atheist, but thank god for smart phones!
I think I have everything necessary for life here now: pillows, blankets, dishes, pans, enough food so I won't starve, Parker kitty, some clothes, towels, and a washer/dryer. Matresses and a bookshelf are next on my list, but I'm not in a rush because 1) I don't have my books yet and 2) the sleeping arrangements aren't that bad (even if did have a crazy dark dream the first night and wake up with a bruised hip the next night).
I got 2 boxes today, containing my bathroom stuff (perfume anyone?), including my favorite towels and washcloths (yay!), workout clothes and pajamas, cookbooks, files and writing notebooks from my office and all my coats (like I really need those anymore). Nevertheless, it's a good start. Now for the $ he owes...
I went on a second date with one guy today after work... we had sushi. Sad to say, but there's no chemistry, not on my side at least. Tomorrow I'm supposed to do something with sports attorney guy, but am not sure what. If it's notinteresting then I'm going to feel like I wasted a nice day by the pool. Also might do something with the friends I was staying with, for one of their friends' birthdays.
Life is okay, but a bit lonely. I don't think I'm really cut out for the single life. Maybe I just need to give it moretime? I really wanted to get laid tonight, ut managed to resist the temptation to go out to a sports bar and scout there. Never done that before and doubt I'll start that now. Single sucks in that regard.
Maybe that was just the wine talking. Sing it, Pink Floyd!
I'm an atheist, but thank god for smart phones!
I think I have everything necessary for life here now: pillows, blankets, dishes, pans, enough food so I won't starve, Parker kitty, some clothes, towels, and a washer/dryer. Matresses and a bookshelf are next on my list, but I'm not in a rush because 1) I don't have my books yet and 2) the sleeping arrangements aren't that bad (even if did have a crazy dark dream the first night and wake up with a bruised hip the next night).
I got 2 boxes today, containing my bathroom stuff (perfume anyone?), including my favorite towels and washcloths (yay!), workout clothes and pajamas, cookbooks, files and writing notebooks from my office and all my coats (like I really need those anymore). Nevertheless, it's a good start. Now for the $ he owes...
I went on a second date with one guy today after work... we had sushi. Sad to say, but there's no chemistry, not on my side at least. Tomorrow I'm supposed to do something with sports attorney guy, but am not sure what. If it's notinteresting then I'm going to feel like I wasted a nice day by the pool. Also might do something with the friends I was staying with, for one of their friends' birthdays.
Life is okay, but a bit lonely. I don't think I'm really cut out for the single life. Maybe I just need to give it moretime? I really wanted to get laid tonight, ut managed to resist the temptation to go out to a sports bar and scout there. Never done that before and doubt I'll start that now. Single sucks in that regard.
Maybe that was just the wine talking. Sing it, Pink Floyd!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
That's Right.
I take that back. Only $68 in the bank, and $44 on my card. Hopefully the two pots of chili I got the ingredients for today will last for two weeks. Oh wait, I got some ramen too, and some tuna, so I might be set on food. I will have to fill up my car at least one more time though, and might have to purchase renters insurance tomorrow before they let me move in. I just won't mention it and see if they do...
Yahoo E! news stories want me to try all of these different kinds of fashions for summer, friends want me to go to happy hours with them, a couple of guys want to go on dates, and Parker wants my loving. And I just want to be able to fucking chill and know that everything is A-OK.
Today I went shopping (did I mention that?) and got a few of the more necessary items for my apartment. Namely, shower curtain, trash cans, TP, hangers, bed pillows, laundry detergent, and some other things. I also bought 4 cans of tuna, chives, yellow onions, chili ingredients, sour cream & cheese (also considered chili ingredients) and 4 packages of ramen noodles. Sigh. And what else? Bananas.
Yeah.
Also stopped by the bank and got 2 money orders - one for the apartment, and one to send to my credit card, since the stupid boy in Florida disputed a rightful charge and caused all sorts of trouble so now I can't make online payments. Oh well. This too shall be resolved. I did forget to stop payment on a starter check I already sent, on which I forgot to write my account number, so I'll have to do that tomorrow.
Iggy has been licking me, and licking my purse, and licking my bedspread all night. How gross is that? And he snorts while he's doing it.
Tonight I still have to finish packing up the majority of my things in my room here, and I want to do a little bit of stretching. Not yoga, too tired for that. Then I want to take a hot bath, which might be impossible since I haven't had a single hot shower since I've been here. It's worth a try, however.
Tomorrow night, after I unload my car, I'm cooking up a great big pot of chili, eating it and going into the hot tub. You heard me.
I'm too tired to write any more, at least anything that makes sense, so good night for now.
Yahoo E! news stories want me to try all of these different kinds of fashions for summer, friends want me to go to happy hours with them, a couple of guys want to go on dates, and Parker wants my loving. And I just want to be able to fucking chill and know that everything is A-OK.
Today I went shopping (did I mention that?) and got a few of the more necessary items for my apartment. Namely, shower curtain, trash cans, TP, hangers, bed pillows, laundry detergent, and some other things. I also bought 4 cans of tuna, chives, yellow onions, chili ingredients, sour cream & cheese (also considered chili ingredients) and 4 packages of ramen noodles. Sigh. And what else? Bananas.
Yeah.
Also stopped by the bank and got 2 money orders - one for the apartment, and one to send to my credit card, since the stupid boy in Florida disputed a rightful charge and caused all sorts of trouble so now I can't make online payments. Oh well. This too shall be resolved. I did forget to stop payment on a starter check I already sent, on which I forgot to write my account number, so I'll have to do that tomorrow.
Iggy has been licking me, and licking my purse, and licking my bedspread all night. How gross is that? And he snorts while he's doing it.
Tonight I still have to finish packing up the majority of my things in my room here, and I want to do a little bit of stretching. Not yoga, too tired for that. Then I want to take a hot bath, which might be impossible since I haven't had a single hot shower since I've been here. It's worth a try, however.
Tomorrow night, after I unload my car, I'm cooking up a great big pot of chili, eating it and going into the hot tub. You heard me.
I'm too tired to write any more, at least anything that makes sense, so good night for now.
Garg
Ah, how I've missed the days of penny-pinching. $110 in the bank to last til the 24th, and that's if I remember to stop payment on a check!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Playing The Waiting Game
Last week was pretty hectic, with something going on every day after work. Earlier, I had created an online profile, thinking that "Even though I don't want to jump into something, it can't hurt to just meet people." So, one evening I met up with someone for coffee - he was nice and set up another date for today, but last night I backed out. I just don't see anything happening there. I also met someone at a wine bar for an hour or so. He was nice, but was talking about how he wants to be married with kids within a couple of years. Regardless, he could hold a decent conversation, and I miiiight see him again for a another short date. While I was driving home, I got a text from the super cute 'sports attorney guy', and we decided to meet up for a beer. It was a fun evening. Good to catch up. I'm just going to go with the flow and see what happens, if anything. As I said earlier, I'm definitely not looking to jump into another relationship - I want to take my time and let things just happen as they will. I have a ton of things to do without trying to add in the stress of a new relationship.
My friend and I went shopping yesterday. As of today, I have collected (for my new apartment), a set of dishes, silverware, a comforter/sheet set, silverware drawer organizer, ice cube trays, a skillet, two bamboo cooking spoons, measuring spoon, chopsticks and bathroom towels. Next on my list? Shower curtain.
Today I plan to just lounge around the house, except for the Insanity part. Another friend is supposed to come over at some point today and we're going to exercise, then jump in the pool. I really need to work on my tan - it's fading.
I found out on Friday that I have two boxes from FL on the way - they should arrive this week. I would guess that they're clothes and bathroom stuff. No matter what's in them, I'll be happy to receive them.
Wednesday! Four more days, and I'll be moved into my new place! I would love to have a mattress set before then, but unless A sends a nice check, I'll either have to fore-go one for now, or see if Ikea offers financing.
That's about all the news that I have. Guess I should get out of bed and see what's crackalacking in the world today.
Ciao.
My friend and I went shopping yesterday. As of today, I have collected (for my new apartment), a set of dishes, silverware, a comforter/sheet set, silverware drawer organizer, ice cube trays, a skillet, two bamboo cooking spoons, measuring spoon, chopsticks and bathroom towels. Next on my list? Shower curtain.
Today I plan to just lounge around the house, except for the Insanity part. Another friend is supposed to come over at some point today and we're going to exercise, then jump in the pool. I really need to work on my tan - it's fading.
I found out on Friday that I have two boxes from FL on the way - they should arrive this week. I would guess that they're clothes and bathroom stuff. No matter what's in them, I'll be happy to receive them.
Wednesday! Four more days, and I'll be moved into my new place! I would love to have a mattress set before then, but unless A sends a nice check, I'll either have to fore-go one for now, or see if Ikea offers financing.
That's about all the news that I have. Guess I should get out of bed and see what's crackalacking in the world today.
Ciao.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
One Hassle Down
Well, the bank declined my application for better financing because they valued my car at $2k less than Carmax needed. That made everything easy.
And the box with my dishes arrived today, and my car insurance cards.
Tomorrow I have happy hour sushi with my friend, and I can hardly wait :)
And the box with my dishes arrived today, and my car insurance cards.
Tomorrow I have happy hour sushi with my friend, and I can hardly wait :)
Monday, June 6, 2011
Little Hassles
I called the apartment complex to see if they could scoot up my move-in date. They said, "probably not." because they are having 35 new people move in this Friday and have to get all of those places ready first.
I tried to make a payment on my Amex today, the one that A. made the payment bounce, and found that the card is blocked from any payments - online or over the phone. I have to mail in a check. Good thing I called today and found that out since it's due on the 12th. And it took them so long on the phone that I was late for work. Grr.
And now it looks like I'm going to refinance my car. Will have to go to the bank tomorrow after work to get the actual check and confirmation, then on Wednesday, will have to drive down to Carmax to sign the change in lien-holder paperwork. Frustrated.
When will life become normal and settle down?
I tried to make a payment on my Amex today, the one that A. made the payment bounce, and found that the card is blocked from any payments - online or over the phone. I have to mail in a check. Good thing I called today and found that out since it's due on the 12th. And it took them so long on the phone that I was late for work. Grr.
And now it looks like I'm going to refinance my car. Will have to go to the bank tomorrow after work to get the actual check and confirmation, then on Wednesday, will have to drive down to Carmax to sign the change in lien-holder paperwork. Frustrated.
When will life become normal and settle down?
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Check That Out
Bank accounts fixed: check.
Friend's car picked up: check
Car Insurance Policy: check
Phone Bill Payed: check
Check Deposited: check
Taco Bell 7-Layer Burrito: check
Sunny Outside, Bathing Suit On, & Parker Kitty Ready? Check Check Check!!!
Have a nice weekend everyone :-)
Friend's car picked up: check
Car Insurance Policy: check
Phone Bill Payed: check
Check Deposited: check
Taco Bell 7-Layer Burrito: check
Sunny Outside, Bathing Suit On, & Parker Kitty Ready? Check Check Check!!!
Have a nice weekend everyone :-)
What's Left To Do
Howdy Ya'll.
I'm feeling accomplished! Yesterday I got my car (pictures might come later) and a small check. This morning I shopped around for car insurance and got a new policy, saving about 25% when I switched to Geico. Sucks that Progressive was so much more expensive - I've been with them for six years and liked them! I also changed up my phone plan this morning, since I guess I'm texting at a rate which will exceed my 1000 messages/month rate. Yesterday I also set up electricity for my new place.
I'm going to try living with home internet for a while and see if it's comfortably doable. The apartment complex has a business center, and the lounge has wireless, so it remains to be seen how late those rooms are open, and also if I can mooch wireless off of some other hub. I think there's also a way to use my phone as internet... if that's the case, it'll be cheaper than getting cable hooked up.
Today I need to drive my friend back to CarMax to pick up her car - the one that I drove to go test-drive my new car. It' about a 50-mile drive, but it's all gravy b/c my car has a free full tank, and a fancy dancy Bose sound system :)
Last thing - I need to stop at the bank to get my online accounts straightened out, which shouldn't take too long, and to deposit that check. And I also need to get renters insurance set up - then everything should be great.
I'm feeling accomplished! Yesterday I got my car (pictures might come later) and a small check. This morning I shopped around for car insurance and got a new policy, saving about 25% when I switched to Geico. Sucks that Progressive was so much more expensive - I've been with them for six years and liked them! I also changed up my phone plan this morning, since I guess I'm texting at a rate which will exceed my 1000 messages/month rate. Yesterday I also set up electricity for my new place.
I'm going to try living with home internet for a while and see if it's comfortably doable. The apartment complex has a business center, and the lounge has wireless, so it remains to be seen how late those rooms are open, and also if I can mooch wireless off of some other hub. I think there's also a way to use my phone as internet... if that's the case, it'll be cheaper than getting cable hooked up.
Today I need to drive my friend back to CarMax to pick up her car - the one that I drove to go test-drive my new car. It' about a 50-mile drive, but it's all gravy b/c my car has a free full tank, and a fancy dancy Bose sound system :)
Last thing - I need to stop at the bank to get my online accounts straightened out, which shouldn't take too long, and to deposit that check. And I also need to get renters insurance set up - then everything should be great.
Friday, June 3, 2011
New Car
This afternoon ended much better than this morning.
After the postman finally came to the door and declared that he would deliver my package tomorrow!, I decided, "screw that, I'm going to the freakin' post office." So I did. And I got my package.
The FL bad boy said he would send a check for my credit card payments (he owes me about$15k still), and he did, but instead of the nice $5k I was anticipating (although euphemistically), it was a mere $500. Which will be fine, I suppose. It'll pay my credit card bill and hep get me into the apartment.
Anyway, I finally got down to work about 3:00pm to give HR my passport. Instead of sticking around 2 hours of untrained work, I drove down to CarMax... and got a car!
Yes, I got the Mazda 3 which I posted previously. And I didn't even pay a dime. Granted, my monthly payment is over $400 (about the same as my rent), but hey, it's doable. And I have 3 days to shop around for better financing.
I met up with my friends for happy hour and first friday, and we had fun. Now I'm back home with my little Parker baby, eating pringles, and am pretty generally happy.
After the postman finally came to the door and declared that he would deliver my package tomorrow!, I decided, "screw that, I'm going to the freakin' post office." So I did. And I got my package.
The FL bad boy said he would send a check for my credit card payments (he owes me about$15k still), and he did, but instead of the nice $5k I was anticipating (although euphemistically), it was a mere $500. Which will be fine, I suppose. It'll pay my credit card bill and hep get me into the apartment.
Anyway, I finally got down to work about 3:00pm to give HR my passport. Instead of sticking around 2 hours of untrained work, I drove down to CarMax... and got a car!
Yes, I got the Mazda 3 which I posted previously. And I didn't even pay a dime. Granted, my monthly payment is over $400 (about the same as my rent), but hey, it's doable. And I have 3 days to shop around for better financing.
I met up with my friends for happy hour and first friday, and we had fun. Now I'm back home with my little Parker baby, eating pringles, and am pretty generally happy.
Fukit
I am hanging on a thread, stuck in limbo. Fuck the post office... since when is it OK to take an overnight package back to the post office and then have all the way til 5pm the next day to deliver it? Not cool, man.
Looks like there will be no work for me today since I'm stuck at home waiting on this damned government agency. They should reimburse me for this day.
Postnote: I really don't have problems with the post office normally - just the last couple of days.
Looks like there will be no work for me today since I'm stuck at home waiting on this damned government agency. They should reimburse me for this day.
Postnote: I really don't have problems with the post office normally - just the last couple of days.
Floorplan
This morning I set up the electric for my new apartment. Since I've had an account with them before, and because my credit was good, I didn't have to put any deposit down. The only set-up cost will be $28 + tax on my first bill. Yes! So, now I'm looking at my floorplan and trying to figure out how to set up my new living space. Here's what I have so far.I want to have a king-size bed from now on, so I checked the dimensions of the sleeping area vs. the size of the mattress. The mattresses are pretty much 7' by 6', which will fit decently. IKEA has a memory-foam pillowtop mattress for $700 with a $100 base, which, if I stack them together, will be almost a regular size height, even though I won't be getting a bed frame until (much) later.
Here is the shelf I found at IKEA for $130. It's about five feet tall, so I can put some stuff on top. It was either a bookshelf or a japanese screen, and the bookshelf serves a multiple purpose.
I haven't decided what to do with the living area yet. I would like to get a little computer desk in there, if I ever get my desktop pc (which I should, because I paid for it myself).
As for the eating area, I might get a little table, or I might just get a couple of barstools, although the bar area is pretty narrow. I'm still undecided on a couch. I will wait to see how much more space the place has with a bed and bookshelf.
I still have no idea how much stuff I'll be getting back from Florida, but, I have Parker. Next, I would like my clothes and my books. If I don't get my artwork & knicknacks back I'll be kinda sad, but I can deal with that. The thought also crossed my mind - he shouldn't make any kind of stink about paying to ship my things, because I'm leaving so much of my old furniture there: a complete bedroom set, artwork, plasma tv, two bookshelves, a chair, bedding, an entire kitchen set including appliances, and more. I haven't talked to him about that yet, but if he brings it up, then I'll remind him of that fact. Again, if he's going to make an issue out of it, that's fine. I'll deal with it. I just want this nightmare to over and done with.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
One Step & Waiting
I just got back from picking up Parker at the airport, and I'm pretty much bawling like a big (mature) baby. She is poking around the room, sniffing and eating and being awesome.
The package I was waiting for today will be delivered tomorrow, since I guess the post office needed to hand it to a physical person. I'll just stay home tomorrow morning until it gets here, then take the documents in to work.
The package I was waiting for today will be delivered tomorrow, since I guess the post office needed to hand it to a physical person. I'll just stay home tomorrow morning until it gets here, then take the documents in to work.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Sometimes...
... I just want to cry.
But what's the point?
Maybe I'm becoming too much of a whiner lately.
But what's the point?
Maybe I'm becoming too much of a whiner lately.
Big Day Ahead
Tomorrow I could either be really good or really bad. It all hinges on the bad boy in Florida.
I am expecting an overnight package tomorrow morning with my social security and passport - work needs one or the other to process my I9 form. If it doesn't get here tomorrow, I don't know what'll happen. Also supposed to be included in that package is a check. Depending on the size of the check, I *might* be able to go to CarMax this weekend and get a new car.
Also supposed to be arriving tomorrow is PARKER! If everything goes as planned (knocking on wood, crossing fingers and everything else), she will be landing in Phoenix at 9:39 tomorrow night. I stopped by the pet store today and got her a new litter box and some food. Damnit, I forgot the littler box liners. Oh well, I can use a trash bag.
I also found out today that I don't have to wait 6 months to start contributing to my 401k; I can start immediately. Awesome.
I am expecting an overnight package tomorrow morning with my social security and passport - work needs one or the other to process my I9 form. If it doesn't get here tomorrow, I don't know what'll happen. Also supposed to be included in that package is a check. Depending on the size of the check, I *might* be able to go to CarMax this weekend and get a new car.
Also supposed to be arriving tomorrow is PARKER! If everything goes as planned (knocking on wood, crossing fingers and everything else), she will be landing in Phoenix at 9:39 tomorrow night. I stopped by the pet store today and got her a new litter box and some food. Damnit, I forgot the littler box liners. Oh well, I can use a trash bag.
I also found out today that I don't have to wait 6 months to start contributing to my 401k; I can start immediately. Awesome.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Still Stepping
Today I had to go shopping for clothes because A never got around to sending any of mine. Anyway, I probably would have needed some new things anyway. I ended up getting four pairs of work pants, two skirts and three tops and a little jacket thing. I haven't added up how much I spent - it'll probably be depressing - but everything but one pair of pants came from the clearance rack. Surprisingly, Dillards had better sales than Macy's. My friend also said that since she lost some weight, she has some clothes that may fit me, so we're going to go through those tomorrow.
I contacted the apartment complex about the studio to ask what they need me to bring in. Most places request a copy of your most recent paycheck as proof of income, but I explained that I'm starting a new job and she said that they can just do a credit check and I can get a note from the company stating I was offered a position there, and that would be fine. Since I don't have Parker yet, I won't have to pay the $200 pet deposit immediately. I should be able to move in for a pretty reasonable price.
It looks like I'll have to set up the apartment before getting a car, which means I won't actually be able to move into the place, but at least no one else will be able to snatch it up. Maybe I'll just sign the papers tomorrow and set the move-in date for the 15th. That should be enough time to get a car, if A sends a good-sized check.
I can't wait until things are settled. Getting my car and insurance set up will be a huge relief. Also I need to get my electric & cable installed, and renters insurance. The cable can wait, but the other two are required for move-in.
Soooo extremely stressed.
I contacted the apartment complex about the studio to ask what they need me to bring in. Most places request a copy of your most recent paycheck as proof of income, but I explained that I'm starting a new job and she said that they can just do a credit check and I can get a note from the company stating I was offered a position there, and that would be fine. Since I don't have Parker yet, I won't have to pay the $200 pet deposit immediately. I should be able to move in for a pretty reasonable price.
It looks like I'll have to set up the apartment before getting a car, which means I won't actually be able to move into the place, but at least no one else will be able to snatch it up. Maybe I'll just sign the papers tomorrow and set the move-in date for the 15th. That should be enough time to get a car, if A sends a good-sized check.
I can't wait until things are settled. Getting my car and insurance set up will be a huge relief. Also I need to get my electric & cable installed, and renters insurance. The cable can wait, but the other two are required for move-in.
Soooo extremely stressed.
Meh.
Why must life be so complicated and nerve-wracking? Grey hairs will probably be appearing on my head within the next month or so, if they're not already there.
The last couple of days, I've been feeling rather down. As I told my friend, it feels like I'm on an obstacle course filled with ditches, and whenever I try to jump out of the ditch, I jump completely over the 'normal' ground and land in another ditch. The thought has crossed my mind to just not try to jump again, to just stop trying, to just wait it out. I don't know what I've decided - to try again, or wait it out.
I start my new job on Tuesday. That will provide some income, but if A. doesn't send money for what he owes me, then I won't be able to get a car for quite a while, which means I won't be able to sign the papers for my apartment.
What to do?!
... and Parker. :(
and my books. :-(
The last couple of days, I've been feeling rather down. As I told my friend, it feels like I'm on an obstacle course filled with ditches, and whenever I try to jump out of the ditch, I jump completely over the 'normal' ground and land in another ditch. The thought has crossed my mind to just not try to jump again, to just stop trying, to just wait it out. I don't know what I've decided - to try again, or wait it out.
I start my new job on Tuesday. That will provide some income, but if A. doesn't send money for what he owes me, then I won't be able to get a car for quite a while, which means I won't be able to sign the papers for my apartment.
What to do?!
... and Parker. :(
and my books. :-(
Friday, May 27, 2011
First Big Step
I start my job on Tuesday. It will be a boring, repetitive job, with no phones, but I think that is exactly the kind of job I need at this point in life.
Numb it all away.
Numb it all away.
Setback
Parker doesn't arrive today as planned. The airline said it was "too hot", and can only ship animals when it's below 85 degrees. I don't plan on waiting six more months for my kitty cat.
Checking on night flights now. If only A. will cooperate...
:((
Checking on night flights now. If only A. will cooperate...
:((
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Crossing On Stepping Stones
If days and events are stepping stones, then I right now I'm teetering right past the halfway, mid-step to the next stone.
Phone: I have, after some tedious phone calls, transferred my phone line to a local Phoenix number, and set it up in my own name.
Bank: I now have a checking account, and a new savings account as well. Now, I need to wait to get the account & routing number mailed to me so that I can transfer funds from my other savings into it.
Cards: With a little help from my friend, I have made a payment for the card which had a due date of tomorrow. The details are taking time, but everything will be taken care of eventually.
Parker: Barring unforeseen circumstances, she should be landing in Phoenix at 1:25pm tomorrow. She will be staying with my friend who also has a cat, because the friend who I'm currently living with is allergic.
Job: This is where I'm teetering, and only because I am not 100% certain what's going to happen as a result of my meeting with my old boss tomorrow. The meeting is at 11am, which will be perfect timing to go get Parker.
Car: I texted A. today asking him to please put a check in the mail tomorrow morning so that I get it sometime early next week. If I get that, depending on the amount, I can make a down payment on a car. Then I'll need to set up my insurance, which expires on June 8.
Apartment: After (or before, depending on circumstances) I get my car, I should be able to move into my new studio. If I'm lucky, the one I looked at (and LOVED) will still be available. More on that later - it's the stepping stone closest to the other side; once I make that, life will be smoother.
That's my updates for now. I'm super-excited for tomorrow, and hope I can sleep tonight.
Phone: I have, after some tedious phone calls, transferred my phone line to a local Phoenix number, and set it up in my own name.
Bank: I now have a checking account, and a new savings account as well. Now, I need to wait to get the account & routing number mailed to me so that I can transfer funds from my other savings into it.
Cards: With a little help from my friend, I have made a payment for the card which had a due date of tomorrow. The details are taking time, but everything will be taken care of eventually.
Parker: Barring unforeseen circumstances, she should be landing in Phoenix at 1:25pm tomorrow. She will be staying with my friend who also has a cat, because the friend who I'm currently living with is allergic.
Job: This is where I'm teetering, and only because I am not 100% certain what's going to happen as a result of my meeting with my old boss tomorrow. The meeting is at 11am, which will be perfect timing to go get Parker.
Car: I texted A. today asking him to please put a check in the mail tomorrow morning so that I get it sometime early next week. If I get that, depending on the amount, I can make a down payment on a car. Then I'll need to set up my insurance, which expires on June 8.
Apartment: After (or before, depending on circumstances) I get my car, I should be able to move into my new studio. If I'm lucky, the one I looked at (and LOVED) will still be available. More on that later - it's the stepping stone closest to the other side; once I make that, life will be smoother.
That's my updates for now. I'm super-excited for tomorrow, and hope I can sleep tonight.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Eventful Day
This morning, shortly after I posted my last post, I checked my credit card statements and saw that the payments I'd made on them with A.'s bank account were put back on my card. I expected this happen, just didn't know when. So I texted A., figuring he would be happy to hear that, and he was. But now he's saying he's not going to pay the entire balances (which he had previously said he would). I was tired of arguing with him, so I sent him all of my statements so he could decide which charges he is going to pay (most of them are his). But all of this put him in a better mood and feeling of control, so he decided to act semi-reasonable today.
I set up Parker's flight to Phoenix. She will arrive Friday afternoon. I can hardly wait. All A. has to do, as I wrote before, is receive the crate I ordered and had delivered, write on the top and side of it, get Parker a health certificate and drop her off at the airport, where he is already going to be on Friday to pick up friends.Yay, Parker!
I also discovered that someone I thought respected me was slandering me behind my back to people at my old job (where I hope to get a new job). I sent a very polite and non-confrontational email to him asking why he would do such a thing when he hasn't even asked to hear my side of the story. He's just stupid, so I'm not going to waste any more time talking about that. It just hurt. But that's that.
A. decided that he would send me my clothes, finally. I'm not sure when, but it seemed like he would do it fairly soon. As for the books and other items, maybe I can get him to send boxes later whenever he gets around to packing them. It will be like christmas randomly happening all through summer.
This afternoon, my old boss texted me to see if I could come in to the office on Friday to "meet with him". I can only hope that this means discussing open positions. I think that if there was nothing, then he would have just told me over the phone. So, that's Friday morning, and Parker gets here Friday afternoon, and Friday evening is my hosts' public engagement celebration at the house here.
Tonight, I went out with my friend to the T-Mobile store to change my service plan and get a local phone number. It was too late in the day to cancel my AT&T, so tomorrow morning I'll do that and replace the SIM card. On the way home, we got into a minor accident and she got a flat tire and broke one of the rods under the car that hold the tire in place.
Tomorrow I'm also going to look at two apartments with a friend. The reviews for both were not great, but they are cheap and worth a look. We're going to make a day out of it with lunch, apartment hunting, catching up on Game of Thrones, and then bowling that night.
I'm hoping that I can start my job sooner rather than later... and that A. send money soon. I really need to get a car, hopefully before I move into an apartment. And my car insurance needs to be renewed on the 6th (good timing to get a new car), and my phone bill will be due... so yeah. I know it's only been a week since I moved here, but I'm pretty stressed about everything. So stressed, I think it's causing me a constant sore throat. I went to the grocery story today and had to get some Chloraseptic lozenges. Also haven't been sleeping well... or eating well... except today I think I ate decently.
So, cross your fingers for me that this job thing works out well.
I set up Parker's flight to Phoenix. She will arrive Friday afternoon. I can hardly wait. All A. has to do, as I wrote before, is receive the crate I ordered and had delivered, write on the top and side of it, get Parker a health certificate and drop her off at the airport, where he is already going to be on Friday to pick up friends.Yay, Parker!
I also discovered that someone I thought respected me was slandering me behind my back to people at my old job (where I hope to get a new job). I sent a very polite and non-confrontational email to him asking why he would do such a thing when he hasn't even asked to hear my side of the story. He's just stupid, so I'm not going to waste any more time talking about that. It just hurt. But that's that.
A. decided that he would send me my clothes, finally. I'm not sure when, but it seemed like he would do it fairly soon. As for the books and other items, maybe I can get him to send boxes later whenever he gets around to packing them. It will be like christmas randomly happening all through summer.
This afternoon, my old boss texted me to see if I could come in to the office on Friday to "meet with him". I can only hope that this means discussing open positions. I think that if there was nothing, then he would have just told me over the phone. So, that's Friday morning, and Parker gets here Friday afternoon, and Friday evening is my hosts' public engagement celebration at the house here.
Tonight, I went out with my friend to the T-Mobile store to change my service plan and get a local phone number. It was too late in the day to cancel my AT&T, so tomorrow morning I'll do that and replace the SIM card. On the way home, we got into a minor accident and she got a flat tire and broke one of the rods under the car that hold the tire in place.
Tomorrow I'm also going to look at two apartments with a friend. The reviews for both were not great, but they are cheap and worth a look. We're going to make a day out of it with lunch, apartment hunting, catching up on Game of Thrones, and then bowling that night.
I'm hoping that I can start my job sooner rather than later... and that A. send money soon. I really need to get a car, hopefully before I move into an apartment. And my car insurance needs to be renewed on the 6th (good timing to get a new car), and my phone bill will be due... so yeah. I know it's only been a week since I moved here, but I'm pretty stressed about everything. So stressed, I think it's causing me a constant sore throat. I went to the grocery story today and had to get some Chloraseptic lozenges. Also haven't been sleeping well... or eating well... except today I think I ate decently.
So, cross your fingers for me that this job thing works out well.
Crossing My Fingers
I should find out today or tomorrow if I will get a job in my old office. It wouldn't be the same position, which is fine - I'll be happy just to have a job with benefits (and bonuses!).
Since A. is taking his time about sending me my things and the money he owes me, today I'm going to take care of myself. I have my credit cards, but no cash or checking account to pay the cards with. I did remember a savings account with over $700 in it, but I have no way of directly withdrawing that money. So, time to be creative. Today I'm going to try to remember my credit card PIN, take a cash advance from an ATM, open a new checking account, and transfer the funds in my savings to my checking. That will be about a 3-day process, but when it's finished, I'll completely pay off my credit card since the interest on cash lines is very high. I should have some money left over in the account afterward, which will be good.
While I'm out and about today, I'm going to stop by the grocery store and pick up a few ingredients for my delicious Hungarian Beef Stew, which I plan to make tonight for my hosts. It's about time I ate something too - yesterday was a whopping 511 calories, all because of a sandwich in the evening.
This morning I researched how to ship Parker to me the cheapest and fastest way. Looks like that way is American Airlines Cargo. I emailed A. to see if he would be able to drop her off on Saturday morning, but he hasn't responded yet. As soon as he does, I will order the correct crate for her and have it delivered to the house so all A. will have to do is run across the street to get a health/rabies certificate from the vet, write "LIVE ANIMALS" on the top and side of the crate, and my name, address & phone #, and drop her off at the Tampa Airport. If he's not willing to do this, then my patience will be sorely tested. (See previous post.)
I also talked to my mom this morning. At least she didn't say "I told you so."
Since A. is taking his time about sending me my things and the money he owes me, today I'm going to take care of myself. I have my credit cards, but no cash or checking account to pay the cards with. I did remember a savings account with over $700 in it, but I have no way of directly withdrawing that money. So, time to be creative. Today I'm going to try to remember my credit card PIN, take a cash advance from an ATM, open a new checking account, and transfer the funds in my savings to my checking. That will be about a 3-day process, but when it's finished, I'll completely pay off my credit card since the interest on cash lines is very high. I should have some money left over in the account afterward, which will be good.
While I'm out and about today, I'm going to stop by the grocery store and pick up a few ingredients for my delicious Hungarian Beef Stew, which I plan to make tonight for my hosts. It's about time I ate something too - yesterday was a whopping 511 calories, all because of a sandwich in the evening.
This morning I researched how to ship Parker to me the cheapest and fastest way. Looks like that way is American Airlines Cargo. I emailed A. to see if he would be able to drop her off on Saturday morning, but he hasn't responded yet. As soon as he does, I will order the correct crate for her and have it delivered to the house so all A. will have to do is run across the street to get a health/rabies certificate from the vet, write "LIVE ANIMALS" on the top and side of the crate, and my name, address & phone #, and drop her off at the Tampa Airport. If he's not willing to do this, then my patience will be sorely tested. (See previous post.)
I also talked to my mom this morning. At least she didn't say "I told you so."
Monday, May 23, 2011
Self-Control
Self. Con. Trol. It's the only way (the only way!) to gooooOOO...
I could say some really nasty things right about now. It hurts so bad to hold back my tongue (and my fingers).
Another virtue is patience.
Sigh.
[Author's Note: If you didn't get the Agapeland reference, consider yourself lucky.]
I could say some really nasty things right about now. It hurts so bad to hold back my tongue (and my fingers).
Another virtue is patience.
Sigh.
[Author's Note: If you didn't get the Agapeland reference, consider yourself lucky.]
Window-Shopping for Cars
This afternoon I logged onto Carmax.com and made some searches for cars that fit my "want" and "can afford" criteria. The following are the cars that caught my attention. Which one sounds best to you?
2008 Ford Fusion - $16,998
54k miles, 6-cylinder, 18/26 gas mileage
Heated leather seats, sunroof, power seats/windows/locks, auxiliary audio input
Estimated monthly payment: $247
2010 Chrysler 300 Touring - $19,998
35k miles, 6-cylinder, 17/25 gas mileage
Heated leather seats, sunroof & power seats/windows/locks, auxiliary audio input
Estimated monthly payment $305
2010 Mazda3 - $20,998
23k miles, 4-cylinder, 22/29 gas mileage
Heated leather seats, sunroof, power seats/windows/locks, auxiliary audio input, Bose sound system
Estimated monthly payment: $328
2008 Audi A3 - $24,998
22k miles, 4-cylinder, 22/29 gas mileage
Leather seats, power seats/windows/locks, auxiliary audio input, Bose sound system, turbo-charged engine
Estimated monthly payment: $403.26
I think I'm leaning toward the Mazda, but want to hear other peoples' opinions on which car they think is the best.
54k miles, 6-cylinder, 18/26 gas mileage
Heated leather seats, sunroof, power seats/windows/locks, auxiliary audio input
Estimated monthly payment: $247
2010 Chrysler 300 Touring - $19,998
35k miles, 6-cylinder, 17/25 gas mileage
Heated leather seats, sunroof & power seats/windows/locks, auxiliary audio input
Estimated monthly payment $305
23k miles, 4-cylinder, 22/29 gas mileage
Heated leather seats, sunroof, power seats/windows/locks, auxiliary audio input, Bose sound system
Estimated monthly payment: $328
22k miles, 4-cylinder, 22/29 gas mileage
Leather seats, power seats/windows/locks, auxiliary audio input, Bose sound system, turbo-charged engine
Estimated monthly payment: $403.26
I think I'm leaning toward the Mazda, but want to hear other peoples' opinions on which car they think is the best.
The Interim
Since I'm currently in limbo, I've decided to come up with a schedule of sorts to help the days pass by without too much spare time. Right now, my friends leave for work at 8:30 in the morning, leaving me to my own devices until 5:30 or so. Some days they carpool, leaving me a car to drive if I so need.I do have a fun companion, in the form of Iggy, the Boston Terrier (pictured). Iggy likes to chase birds, snuggle up to my side, and snore. There is a pool outside, and a hammock. I've also been lent a keyboard and sheet music by another friend, and I've decided that I need to start exercising again. So, here's my plan so far:
Wake up, eat breakfast, catch up on whatever computer stuff needs catching up on.
Exercise. I can do situps, push-ups, squats, lunges, and probably some other things.
Take Iggy for a walk.
Search for jobs online, until I hear from my old boss about a job there. Also research Fall classes.
Around 11:30/12, head outside in bathing suit to catch some rays, either in the hammock or the pool.
Come in & shower.
Practice music.
That's my tentative outline for the next few days. I'll also have to throw laundry in there somewhere, and a trip to the grocery story (I want to make a nice dinner for my hosts).
You'll notice I didn't say anything about apartment hunting. That's because I'm 90% positive that I've found a place. It's directly across the road from my old job, walking distance from a grocery store, and has a fitness center. The studios cost about $510/month and allow pets. I've actually visited the complex before, and wasn't thrilled about the apartments because they are older and some need a little work, but for that price and location, I can put up with almost anything. Besides, all of the community amenities (pool, fitness center & laundry room) have been remodeled and look very nice. So, as soon as I get word from my old boss, and proof of income, I'll be moving into that complex. I may even be moved in there before A. gets around to sending my stuff (and Parker) to me, which will save an extra move. The location is also great because I won't really need to get a car right away.
In other good news, I re-discovered my savings account and over $700. Now I just need to set up a checking account and transfer that $$ into it.
As my friend Justin says, "Life is looking up."
Sunday, May 22, 2011
The Plot
Long Term Goals:
I should really get to work on Goal #4 before I find a job, so that I can get some grants and other financial aid for school while I'm still unemployed.
Once I fall into the rhythm of work and school, or perhaps even before then, I plan to seek out a second job for two reasons.
I know I'm going to miss sleeping in a real bed, but that will make it so much sweeter when my goals are finally realized.
- Own a condo in the Phoenix area.
- Finish school.
- Get a job finalized.
- Get a car.
- Move into Studio Apartment
- Start classes up for Fall '11.
- Find 2nd job for nights & weekend.
- Save $$ for Condo.
I should really get to work on Goal #4 before I find a job, so that I can get some grants and other financial aid for school while I'm still unemployed.
Once I fall into the rhythm of work and school, or perhaps even before then, I plan to seek out a second job for two reasons.
- Extra Income
- Keep me busy so that I don't fall into the trap of another relationship too soon.
I know I'm going to miss sleeping in a real bed, but that will make it so much sweeter when my goals are finally realized.
Fledgling Bird
This is the second time I've come to the altar of the Phoenix. My second visit to the nest of ashes, hoping to be reborn, hoping to rediscover myself. Each time I come, I bring new knowledge, new realizations.
The first visit was about escaping my old life and rebuilding a new one - a life I could be proud of, a life that *I* made, a life that I could live by myself, with no one to judge. And I did it. I thought I was ready, so I spread my wings and flew.
That test flight was short-lived, and I ended up right back in the lap of the ashes. However brief, that stretch of wings brought confidence.
My second flight was farther from home. I flew wide across the country. I learned many things. How to be a good friend, how to be loyal. I learned that I should not allow anyone to take from me those things which are important, and to focus my energy on MY passions, not anyone elses'.
Now, after two years from my last flight, I am back in the ashes, waiting to be reborn. This time will take a little longer, for I plan that my next adventure will be even longer lasting, and better planned. I am taking this time in the nest to plot my goals, heal myself and regain my stength.
I need to rediscover myself - my passions, my likes, my dislikes. Who I Am. Who Am I? I need to regain trust in others, to learn to open myself. I need to learn how to give back to others, to be a giver, not only a taker.
This time around I have brothers and sisters - some in the nest still, others freely flying.
Grow, Flame Feathers, Grow.
The first visit was about escaping my old life and rebuilding a new one - a life I could be proud of, a life that *I* made, a life that I could live by myself, with no one to judge. And I did it. I thought I was ready, so I spread my wings and flew.
That test flight was short-lived, and I ended up right back in the lap of the ashes. However brief, that stretch of wings brought confidence.
My second flight was farther from home. I flew wide across the country. I learned many things. How to be a good friend, how to be loyal. I learned that I should not allow anyone to take from me those things which are important, and to focus my energy on MY passions, not anyone elses'.
Now, after two years from my last flight, I am back in the ashes, waiting to be reborn. This time will take a little longer, for I plan that my next adventure will be even longer lasting, and better planned. I am taking this time in the nest to plot my goals, heal myself and regain my stength.
I need to rediscover myself - my passions, my likes, my dislikes. Who I Am. Who Am I? I need to regain trust in others, to learn to open myself. I need to learn how to give back to others, to be a giver, not only a taker.
This time around I have brothers and sisters - some in the nest still, others freely flying.
Grow, Flame Feathers, Grow.
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