Hello readers. I'm going to do my best to update you on what's going on in the Life of Beth lately... but my mind is rather blank.
Family. Grandma has, at the most, nine or ten more days, according to the doctor. She removed her food IV, and within a couple of days will be in a coma. Sarah, my sister, is pregnant again, thus goes the circle of life. The twins, last time I talked to them, are doing OK.
Living Situation. This is actually going well. I was able to break off my lease, and thus will be able to start saving money/paying off more debt next month. Other than the longer drive to work on two freeways, the transition is finally settling down. There are still some areas we need to work out, namely a computer desk for me downstairs, and I'd like to get some rugs for the downstairs since they're all tile and pretty cold. Ben has been very helpful and adaptable with moving everything around. Now, if the kitties will just adapt to each other...
School. My semester is over. I'm taking at least the summer off. An online college offers the next course I need, but I've seriously been considering giving up the whole 'writing thing'. It's SO hard, and I'm so tired. And I've been seriously doubting my ability to write anything in-depth, or even in enough quantity to actually finish anything. The thing about writing is that you never, ever get a break from it. When you're not writing, you're thinking about writing, and stressing out about not writing. It takes a toll. Why can't I just go to work, come home and relax like most other normal people?
Re-Evaluating. During my younger years, people often commented on my brains and talents... but hey, I grew up in a small town, and the world is freaking huge. My talents and brain are, at best, average. I don't consider myself sharp, or even extraordinarily bright. That phase, the 17-23 year old phase, when people think they're invincible, is over. I am who I am, and I'm tired of trying to please everyone or convince them of my value. Actions are more powerful than words.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
.... Biting My Tongue.
What a crappy, no-good, stupid day. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.
Let me give you some history.
Friday Evening.
Got off work. Yippee! Gin and grapefruit juice! Yay! Three! Hi Ben! Let's go eat spicy Mexican! OK! MMMM... YUM. Margaritas! Ben, I'm freaking out! Why? This whole thing about moving in with you! My stomach is in knots! We may as well just move in right away to get the whole thing over with so I won't be freaking out for 45 more days! I need to pass out now...
Saturday Morning.
10AM. Driving home, Ben in tow. We pack my entire apartment up into a uhaul truck and drive it over to his house. We unload.
Sunday.
We arrange. We relax. We drink. We sleep.
Monday.
I wake up early because I have to drive to work from his place and it's farther away and rush hour traffic and new penalty-for-tardies thing at work. Work all day. Come home and cook and drink gin and juice and talk. I go to sleep.
Tuesday (today).
I wake up periodically and frequently throughout the night, thinking that it's time to go to work. It's only 2:30. 4:00. 4:30. Getting close now. 5:30. RAATE RAATE RAATE... So tired... drive to work. Two people short. TONS to do. TONS more come in throughout the day. Stupid coworker piles more shit on my desk without even bothering to ask if I have the time. Same stupid coworker does a stupid thing that costs me a good amount of time-sensitive time. Same stupid coworkers has to leave early but can't say why, and that means I have to stay late to cover the phones. Fire is breathing through my eyes, and my brain is exploding glass shards while I talk to Very.Old.Southern.Gentlemen.Agents.Who.Do.Not.Understand.Computers.
I did not stay late. It's not my job to pick up the slack from stupid coworkers scheduled time. I went to get my mail, and drove home through stupid rush hour traffic - have to take the highways now since I live further. No good music because I'm tired of the cd's in my dash, and I didn't take the time to replace them so I'm stuck with the stupid, stupid radio. STARVING.
And the cats still fucking hate each other.
Let me give you some history.
Friday Evening.
Got off work. Yippee! Gin and grapefruit juice! Yay! Three! Hi Ben! Let's go eat spicy Mexican! OK! MMMM... YUM. Margaritas! Ben, I'm freaking out! Why? This whole thing about moving in with you! My stomach is in knots! We may as well just move in right away to get the whole thing over with so I won't be freaking out for 45 more days! I need to pass out now...
Saturday Morning.
10AM. Driving home, Ben in tow. We pack my entire apartment up into a uhaul truck and drive it over to his house. We unload.
Sunday.
We arrange. We relax. We drink. We sleep.
Monday.
I wake up early because I have to drive to work from his place and it's farther away and rush hour traffic and new penalty-for-tardies thing at work. Work all day. Come home and cook and drink gin and juice and talk. I go to sleep.
Tuesday (today).
I wake up periodically and frequently throughout the night, thinking that it's time to go to work. It's only 2:30. 4:00. 4:30. Getting close now. 5:30. RAATE RAATE RAATE... So tired... drive to work. Two people short. TONS to do. TONS more come in throughout the day. Stupid coworker piles more shit on my desk without even bothering to ask if I have the time. Same stupid coworker does a stupid thing that costs me a good amount of time-sensitive time. Same stupid coworkers has to leave early but can't say why, and that means I have to stay late to cover the phones. Fire is breathing through my eyes, and my brain is exploding glass shards while I talk to Very.Old.Southern.Gentlemen.Agents.Who.Do.Not.Understand.Computers.
I did not stay late. It's not my job to pick up the slack from stupid coworkers scheduled time. I went to get my mail, and drove home through stupid rush hour traffic - have to take the highways now since I live further. No good music because I'm tired of the cd's in my dash, and I didn't take the time to replace them so I'm stuck with the stupid, stupid radio. STARVING.
And the cats still fucking hate each other.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
This Was Unexpected
I totally wasn't expecting this. A free, relaxing night! Either that, or I'm forgetting something.
This calls for another baked potato dinner... and corona (or grapefruit juice & tanqueray)and popcorn over a movie which I shall select later from Ben's Netflix account, which he so nicely leaves logged in at my place.
I also brought home three big, sturdy boxes from work because... I have decided to move in with Ben. The idea has me rather panicked, but my brain tells me that it will be OK. He's already taken over a few of my nicknacks, or 'trinkets', as he calls them. I call them 'conversation starters'. Or dust-catchers. Or nicknacks. He also took over some picture frames that I've had laying around because I have no shelves or tables to set them on. So tonight, the plan is to start packing up some of my books, although we're not planning to be completely moved in for another 45 days. 45 days! Yikes! omg omg omg. Nerves go away. Xanax, plz.
I don't know what I'm so scared of.
In other news, I get a bonus next Friday. AND a paycheck. My bonus will be nearly three times as big as my regular 2-week paycheck, if not more (I've had an awesome quarter performance-wise). Every penny is going toward the loan. It'll take a huge chunk out of it. The sooner I pay that monster off, the better.
So, the $25 grocery list that I was talking about a couple of weeks ago... didn't work. I went to the grocery store after 3 or 4 Chambord margaritas the day I got home from Iowa, and spent about $160. A good chunk of that went toward alcohol. A big case of Corona Lights, a bottle of vodka, a bottle of tanqueray, and two bottles of wine. And a huge drawerful of leafy green vegetables, which I've been steadily working through all week. They're delicious. As is the Corona.
Next week I'll do better - no need to get groceries this weekend!
This calls for another baked potato dinner... and corona (or grapefruit juice & tanqueray)and popcorn over a movie which I shall select later from Ben's Netflix account, which he so nicely leaves logged in at my place.
I also brought home three big, sturdy boxes from work because... I have decided to move in with Ben. The idea has me rather panicked, but my brain tells me that it will be OK. He's already taken over a few of my nicknacks, or 'trinkets', as he calls them. I call them 'conversation starters'. Or dust-catchers. Or nicknacks. He also took over some picture frames that I've had laying around because I have no shelves or tables to set them on. So tonight, the plan is to start packing up some of my books, although we're not planning to be completely moved in for another 45 days. 45 days! Yikes! omg omg omg. Nerves go away. Xanax, plz.
I don't know what I'm so scared of.
In other news, I get a bonus next Friday. AND a paycheck. My bonus will be nearly three times as big as my regular 2-week paycheck, if not more (I've had an awesome quarter performance-wise). Every penny is going toward the loan. It'll take a huge chunk out of it. The sooner I pay that monster off, the better.
So, the $25 grocery list that I was talking about a couple of weeks ago... didn't work. I went to the grocery store after 3 or 4 Chambord margaritas the day I got home from Iowa, and spent about $160. A good chunk of that went toward alcohol. A big case of Corona Lights, a bottle of vodka, a bottle of tanqueray, and two bottles of wine. And a huge drawerful of leafy green vegetables, which I've been steadily working through all week. They're delicious. As is the Corona.
Next week I'll do better - no need to get groceries this weekend!
Monday, April 2, 2012
The Truth About Potatoes & A Horrendous Week
Colcannon Stuffed Baked Potatoes
Tonight I made the potatoes above. At least, I tried. My potato shells didn't really work, so I just mashed the whole thing. And I added a little bit of tomato and some red onion. I don't have bacon, but that would have been even more incredible. As it was, my potato was Fucking.Amazing. Try the recipe :)
The past week has been pretty ghastly. Depressing. Sad. Exhausting. Monday & Tuesday, my department at work all went to Chicago. At the airport in Chicago while waiting for my flight back, I got the news that my grandma was in the hospital, and had been for an entire week. No one had thought to tell my sister and I before then. Which royally pissed me off.
Grandma is the type of woman who doesn't, or didn't, ever go to the doctor. So when she went last year, they found that she had ovarian cancer, and it had spread throughout her body. She went through chemo, and they thought it was gone. A few weeks ago, I learned that it had resurfaced in three new spots, and that doctor recommended against doing chemo again.
I didn't realize it was so fast-moving.
As soon as I got home, I booked a ticket to Iowa. I left the next evening, on a red-eye flight. My dad, sister and uncle were all there at the hospital.
I don't like seeing my grandma the way that I saw her. I know she has only a short time left; she's finalizing all of her affairs and knows the end is near.
I always assumed that she'd be the last one to go, but it appears she'll be the first.
I got home yesterday morning. We won't be able to make it back for the funeral. It's a matter of vacation time and money. While I'm devastated at the situation, I'm glad that I got to go see her one last time. I hope her pain ends soon.
Tonight I made the potatoes above. At least, I tried. My potato shells didn't really work, so I just mashed the whole thing. And I added a little bit of tomato and some red onion. I don't have bacon, but that would have been even more incredible. As it was, my potato was Fucking.Amazing. Try the recipe :)
________________________
The past week has been pretty ghastly. Depressing. Sad. Exhausting. Monday & Tuesday, my department at work all went to Chicago. At the airport in Chicago while waiting for my flight back, I got the news that my grandma was in the hospital, and had been for an entire week. No one had thought to tell my sister and I before then. Which royally pissed me off.
Grandma is the type of woman who doesn't, or didn't, ever go to the doctor. So when she went last year, they found that she had ovarian cancer, and it had spread throughout her body. She went through chemo, and they thought it was gone. A few weeks ago, I learned that it had resurfaced in three new spots, and that doctor recommended against doing chemo again.
I didn't realize it was so fast-moving.
As soon as I got home, I booked a ticket to Iowa. I left the next evening, on a red-eye flight. My dad, sister and uncle were all there at the hospital.
I don't like seeing my grandma the way that I saw her. I know she has only a short time left; she's finalizing all of her affairs and knows the end is near.
I always assumed that she'd be the last one to go, but it appears she'll be the first.
I got home yesterday morning. We won't be able to make it back for the funeral. It's a matter of vacation time and money. While I'm devastated at the situation, I'm glad that I got to go see her one last time. I hope her pain ends soon.
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