Still Stepping

Today I had to go shopping for clothes because A never got around to sending any of mine. Anyway, I probably would have needed some new things anyway. I ended up getting four pairs of work pants, two skirts and three tops and a little jacket thing. I haven't added up how much I spent - it'll probably be depressing - but everything but one pair of pants came from the clearance rack. Surprisingly, Dillards had better sales than Macy's. My friend also said that since she lost some weight, she has some clothes that may fit me, so we're going to go through those tomorrow.

I contacted the apartment complex about the studio to ask what they need me to bring in. Most places request a copy of your most recent paycheck as proof of income, but I explained that I'm starting a new job and she said that they can just do a credit check and I can get a note from the company stating I was offered a position there, and that would be fine. Since I don't have Parker yet, I won't have to pay the $200 pet deposit immediately. I should be able to move in for a pretty reasonable price.

It looks like I'll have to set up the apartment before getting a car, which means I won't actually be able to move into the place, but at least no one else will be able to snatch it up. Maybe I'll just sign the papers tomorrow and set the move-in date for the 15th. That should be enough time to get a car, if A sends a good-sized check.

I can't wait until things are settled. Getting my car and insurance set up will be a huge relief. Also I need to get my electric & cable installed, and renters insurance. The cable can wait, but the other two are required for move-in.

Soooo extremely stressed.

Meh.

Why must life be so complicated and nerve-wracking? Grey hairs will probably be appearing on my head within the next month or so, if they're not already there.

The last couple of days, I've been feeling rather down. As I told my friend, it feels like I'm on an obstacle course filled with ditches, and whenever I try to jump out of the ditch, I jump completely over the 'normal' ground and land in another ditch.  The thought has crossed my mind to just not try to jump again, to just stop trying, to just wait it out. I don't know what I've decided - to try again, or wait it out.

I start my new job on Tuesday. That will provide some income, but if A. doesn't send money for what he owes me, then I won't be able to get a car for quite a while, which means I won't be able to sign the papers for my apartment.

What to do?!

... and Parker. :(

and my books. :-(

First Big Step

I start my job on Tuesday. It will be a boring, repetitive job, with no phones, but I think that is exactly the kind of job I need at this point in life.

Numb it all away.

Setback

Parker doesn't arrive today as planned. The airline said it was "too hot", and can only ship animals when it's below 85 degrees. I don't plan on waiting six more months for my kitty cat.

Checking on night flights now. If only A. will cooperate...

:((

Crossing On Stepping Stones

If days and events are stepping stones, then I right now I'm teetering right past the halfway, mid-step to the next stone.

Phone: I have, after some tedious phone calls, transferred my phone line to a local Phoenix number, and set it up in my own name.

Bank: I now have a checking account, and a new savings account as well. Now, I need to wait to get the account & routing number mailed to me so that I can transfer funds from my other savings into it.

Cards: With a little help from my friend, I have made a payment for the card which had a due date of tomorrow. The details are taking time, but everything will be taken care of eventually.

Parker: Barring unforeseen circumstances, she should be landing in Phoenix at 1:25pm tomorrow. She will be staying with my friend who also has a cat, because the friend who I'm currently living with is allergic.

Job: This is where I'm teetering, and only because I am not 100% certain what's going to happen as a result of my meeting with my old boss tomorrow. The meeting is at 11am, which will be perfect timing to go get Parker.

Car: I texted A. today asking him to please put a check in the mail tomorrow morning so that I get it sometime early next week. If I get that, depending on the amount, I can make a down payment on a car. Then I'll need to set up my insurance, which expires on June 8.

Apartment: After (or before, depending on circumstances) I get my car, I should be able to move into my new studio. If I'm lucky, the one I looked at (and LOVED) will still be available. More on that later - it's the stepping stone closest to the other side; once I make that, life will be smoother.

That's my updates for now. I'm super-excited for tomorrow, and hope I can sleep tonight.

Eventful Day

This morning, shortly after I posted my last post, I checked my credit card statements and saw that the payments I'd made on them with A.'s bank account were put back on my card. I expected this happen, just didn't know when. So I texted A., figuring he would be happy to hear that, and he was. But now he's saying he's not going to pay the entire balances (which he had previously said he would). I was tired of arguing with him, so I sent him all of my statements so he could decide which charges he is going to pay (most of them are his). But all of this put him in a better mood and feeling of control, so he decided to act semi-reasonable today.

I set up Parker's flight to Phoenix. She will arrive Friday afternoon. I can hardly wait. All A. has to do, as I wrote before, is receive the crate I ordered and had delivered, write on the top and side of it, get Parker a health certificate and drop her off at the airport, where he is already going to be on Friday to pick up friends.Yay, Parker!

I also discovered that someone I thought respected me was slandering me behind my back to people at my old job (where I hope to get a new job). I sent a very polite and non-confrontational email to him asking why he would do such a thing when he hasn't even asked to hear my side of the story. He's just stupid, so I'm not going to waste any more time talking about that. It just hurt. But that's that.

A. decided that he would send me my clothes, finally. I'm not sure when, but it seemed like he would do it fairly soon. As for the books and other items, maybe I can get him to send boxes later whenever he gets around to packing them. It will be like christmas randomly happening all through summer.

This afternoon, my old boss texted me to see if I could come in to the office on Friday to "meet with him". I can only hope that this means discussing open positions. I think that if there was nothing, then he would have just told me over the phone. So, that's Friday morning, and Parker gets here Friday afternoon, and Friday evening is my hosts' public engagement celebration at the house here.

Tonight, I went out with my friend to the T-Mobile store to change my service plan and get a local phone number. It was too late in the day to cancel my AT&T, so tomorrow morning I'll do that and replace the SIM card. On the way home, we got into a minor accident and she got a flat tire and broke one of the rods under the car that hold the tire in place.

Tomorrow I'm also going to look at two apartments with a friend. The reviews for both were not great, but they are cheap and worth a look. We're going to make a day out of it with lunch, apartment hunting, catching up on Game of Thrones, and then bowling that night.

I'm hoping that I can start my job sooner rather than later... and that A. send money soon. I really need to get a car, hopefully before I move into an apartment. And my car insurance needs to be renewed on the 6th (good timing to get a new car), and my phone bill will be due... so yeah. I know it's only been a week since I moved here, but I'm pretty stressed about everything. So stressed, I think it's causing me a constant sore throat. I went to the grocery story today and had to get some Chloraseptic lozenges. Also haven't been sleeping well... or eating well... except today I think I ate decently.

So, cross your fingers for me that this job thing works out well.

Crossing My Fingers

I should find out today or tomorrow if I will get a job in my old office. It wouldn't be the same position, which is fine - I'll be happy just to have a job with benefits (and bonuses!).

Since A. is taking his time about sending me my things and the money he owes me, today I'm going to take care of myself. I have my credit cards, but no cash or checking account to pay the cards with. I did remember a savings account with over $700 in it, but I have no way of directly withdrawing that money. So, time to be creative. Today I'm going to try to remember my credit card PIN, take a cash advance from an ATM, open a new checking account, and transfer the funds in my savings to my checking. That will be about a 3-day process, but when it's finished, I'll completely pay off my credit card since the interest on cash lines is very high. I should have some money left over in the account afterward, which will be good.

While I'm out and about today, I'm going to stop by the grocery store and pick up a few ingredients for my delicious Hungarian Beef Stew, which I plan to make tonight for my hosts. It's about time I ate something too - yesterday was a whopping 511 calories, all because of a sandwich in the evening.

This morning I researched how to ship Parker to me the cheapest and fastest way. Looks like that way is American Airlines Cargo. I emailed A. to see if he would be able to drop her off on Saturday morning, but he hasn't responded yet. As soon as he does, I will order the correct crate for her and have it delivered to the house so all A. will have to do is run across the street to get a health/rabies certificate from the vet, write "LIVE ANIMALS" on the top and side of the crate, and my name, address & phone #, and drop her off at the Tampa Airport. If he's not willing to do this, then my patience will be sorely tested. (See previous post.)

I also talked to my mom this morning. At least she didn't say "I told you so."

Self-Control

Self. Con. Trol. It's the only way (the only way!) to gooooOOO...

I could say some really nasty things right about now. It hurts so bad to hold back my tongue (and my fingers).

Another virtue is patience.

Sigh.



[Author's Note: If you didn't get the Agapeland reference, consider yourself lucky.]

Window-Shopping for Cars

This afternoon I logged onto Carmax.com and made some searches for cars that fit my "want" and "can afford" criteria. The following are the cars that caught my attention. Which one sounds best to you?

2008 Ford Fusion - $16,998

54k miles, 6-cylinder, 18/26 gas mileage
Heated leather seats, sunroof, power seats/windows/locks, auxiliary audio input
Estimated monthly payment: $247

 2010 Chrysler 300 Touring - $19,998

35k miles, 6-cylinder, 17/25 gas mileage
Heated leather seats, sunroof & power seats/windows/locks, auxiliary audio input
 Estimated monthly payment $305

 2010 Mazda3 - $20,998

23k miles, 4-cylinder, 22/29 gas mileage
Heated leather seats, sunroof, power seats/windows/locks, auxiliary audio input, Bose sound system

Estimated monthly payment: $328

2008 Audi A3 - $24,998

22k miles, 4-cylinder, 22/29 gas mileage
Leather seats, power seats/windows/locks, auxiliary audio input, Bose sound system, turbo-charged engine

Estimated monthly payment: $403.26



I think I'm leaning toward the Mazda, but want to hear other peoples' opinions on which car they think is the best.

FAFSA Completed.

God, I feel good about that.

ASU Creative Writing College, here I come!

The Interim

Since I'm currently in limbo, I've decided to come up with a schedule of sorts to help the days pass by without too much spare time. Right now, my friends leave for work at 8:30 in the morning, leaving me to my own devices until 5:30 or so. Some days they carpool, leaving me a car to drive if I so need.

I do have a fun companion, in the form of Iggy, the Boston Terrier (pictured). Iggy likes to chase birds, snuggle up to my side, and snore. There is a pool outside, and a hammock. I've also been lent a keyboard and sheet music by another friend, and I've decided that I need to start exercising again. So, here's my plan so far:

Wake up, eat breakfast, catch up on whatever computer stuff needs catching up on.
Exercise. I can do situps, push-ups, squats, lunges, and probably some other things.
Take Iggy for a walk.
Search for jobs online, until I hear from my old boss about a job there. Also research Fall classes.
Around 11:30/12, head outside in bathing suit to catch some rays, either in the hammock or the pool.
Come in & shower.
Practice music.

That's my tentative outline for the next few days. I'll also have to throw laundry in there somewhere, and a trip to the grocery story (I want to make a nice dinner for my hosts).

You'll notice I didn't say anything about apartment hunting. That's because I'm 90% positive that I've found a place. It's directly across the road from my old job, walking distance from a grocery store, and has a fitness center. The studios cost about $510/month and allow pets. I've actually visited the complex before, and wasn't thrilled about the apartments because they are older and some need a little work, but for that price and location, I can put up with almost anything. Besides, all of the community amenities (pool, fitness center & laundry room) have been remodeled and look very nice. So, as soon as I get word from my old boss, and proof of income, I'll be moving into that complex. I may even be moved in there before A. gets around to sending my stuff (and Parker) to me, which will save an extra move. The location is also great because I won't really need to get a car right away.

I've also found a couch I want. It's $900 for all three pieces, which isn't unreasonable, and it has a chaise that I can sleep on. It's a nice piece - one that I would keep for several years, but because of the price I'm still going to shop around. Maybe I can find something comparable (or better!) for cheaper.

In other good news, I re-discovered my savings account and over $700. Now I just need to set up a checking account and transfer that $$ into it.

As my friend Justin says, "Life is looking up."

The Plot

Long Term Goals:

1. Own a condo in the Phoenix area.
2. Finish school.

Short Term Goals:

1. Get a job finalized.
2. Get a car.
3. Move into Studio Apartment
4. Start classes up for Fall '11.
5. Find 2nd job for nights & weekend.
6. Save $$ for Condo.

Goals #1 & #3 should be realized within a week or two. Hopefully by that time, some pieces will have fallen into place, so that I can make a down payment on a car (goal #2).

I should really get to work on Goal #4 before I find a job, so that I can get some grants and other financial aid for school while I'm still unemployed.

Once I fall into the rhythm of  work and school, or perhaps even before then, I plan to seek out a second job for two reasons.

1. Extra Income
2. Keep me busy so that I don't fall into the trap of another relationship too soon.

Goal #6: Saving $$ for a condo. This will be done. I plan to only furnish my studio apartment with a couch and a bookshelf. Maybe some barstools for the breakfast bar, and maybe a small office desk. I will attempt to live at the bare minimum, but the items I do purchase will be quality - able to last years without replacement. So, the couch I buy will be well-made and the bookshelf sturdy. My kitchen will be spare - plain white dishes from IKEA. Inexpensive, but classy.

I know I'm going to miss sleeping in a real bed, but that will make it so much sweeter when my goals are finally realized.

Fledgling Bird

This is the second time I've come to the altar of the Phoenix. My second visit to the nest of ashes, hoping to be reborn, hoping to rediscover myself. Each time I come, I bring new knowledge, new realizations.

The first visit was about escaping my old life and rebuilding a new one - a life I could be proud of, a life that *I* made, a life that I could live by myself, with no one to judge.  And I did it. I thought I was ready, so I spread my wings and flew.

That test flight was short-lived, and I ended up right back in the lap of the ashes. However brief, that stretch of wings brought confidence.

My second flight was farther from home. I flew wide across the country. I learned many things. How to be a good friend, how to be loyal. I learned that I should not allow anyone to take from me those things which are important, and to focus my energy on MY passions, not anyone elses'.

Now, after two years from my last flight, I am back in the ashes, waiting to be reborn. This time will take a little longer, for I plan that my next adventure will be even longer lasting, and better planned. I am taking this time in the nest to plot my goals, heal myself and regain my stength.

I need to rediscover myself - my passions, my likes, my dislikes. Who I Am. Who Am I? I need to regain trust in others, to learn to open myself. I need to learn how to give back to others, to be a giver, not only a taker.

This time around I have brothers and sisters  - some in the nest still, others freely flying.

Grow, Flame Feathers, Grow.