Two Steps Forward, One Back

So, I realize that I forgot to update my blog when I hit one of my milestones:

I PAID OFF A CREDIT CARD!

My federal tax refund was exactly one dollar more than the balance on my largest card. I was so afraid it wasn't going to cover it all, but it did! That same night, I had a panic attack out of nowhere... for no reason. I was laying in bed and suddenly couldn't breathe. Since then I've had a few more. But that's not the step backward.

The step backward is... I went shopping. I ordered stuff from VS online, went to Last Chance for some workout and work tops (granted, I only spend $30 there, that's the beauty of Last Chance), I ordered a watch online, and I ordered some shoes online. I needed the stuff from VS - most of it, anyway, and the stuff from last chance, and the watch was a great online deal, and pretty inexpensive, but the shoes... didn't need those. Even though they are awesome steampunk mary-janes. At least I didn't get a purse. Yet. I've been wanting to get a new purse for over a year now. You can make 'purse' plural if you want to.

I went to the Dr. today to get a refill of Xanax. He didn't want to give it to me... he did anyway, but really pushed me to get back in touch with the psych. And when I got home, I had two letters from the psych (identical letters) in my mailbox. Coincidence? I reallllly don't want to go back on the meds again. And the lab work every 9 days? Please no. But if I keep getting anxiety attacks and my Dr won't want to refill, I might have  to go back. :-(


I've also been looking around at tattoo shops in town... I want to get my seadragon redone into something more artsy, and I want to get a Pegasus. And a nose stud. But, there are other things I need to get first. Namely, a coffee table, since mine is a big cardboard box, a bedframe, side tables, a computer desk, new silverware, another credit card paid off, and a loan paid off.

Maybe that's why I've been having anxiety attacks...