Beth Time

This afternoon I'm getting some 'beth time', but I don't know what to do. I know of plenty of things that I can and should do, like write, read, do my nails, study LOMA...

But I just have this big, constant ball of sadness rolling around inside. I don't feel like doing any of those things - I just want to lie down and sleep. It doesn't help that I have a headache and that I'm letting myself have a 'woman-week' and am cramping because of that.

My laptop is dying. I left it at Ben's house for him to look at. He says it needs a new hard drive, and apparently hard drive prices have gone up 500% in the past month because Thailand, where the majority of hard drives are manufactures, was catastrophically flooded about a month ago.

Why can't things ever just go smoothly? Why can't everything just be OK for once?

Yesterday, I took Parker over to Ben's to introduce her to Kagan, Ben's cat. It did not go well. Parker is as chill as fuck, but Kagan is the polar opposite - very territorial and high-strung. I guess we just keep trying it every now and then until they get used to each other.

We went running down the canal this morning. It felt so good to get out in the fresh air and exercise, it made me wonder why I don't do it more often. And the answer, if I'm being honest with myself, is because I don't like to exercise alone.

Sometimes I think I should give up trying to write. It takes up too much time, and all the time that I'm not working or writing, I'm thinking  about writing, and I feel guilty  that I'm not writing, then I feel bad for feeling guilty, because I shouldn't be work-work-working all the time, but then I think "but when's the last time you wrote? How long are you going to let this book take?" 

Damn book, just get out of my head. I'm so tired of being tired and stressing.