Time

I hope I did the  right thing. I told Ben that I need more time alone because I'm not emotionally available to invest in a relationship right now. I think we're still going to see each other, but not as much. I think he understands. I hope so.

Next, I need to look up my old dr and see about getting a prescription to anti-depression meds, and also to check with my insurance to see if it covers therapists or counselors or something of the like.

I feel so messed up inside - and it makes me feel worse to realize that I might actually need external (chemical) influences to help. I know it shouldn't.

I made an excel spreadsheet with some daily/weekly goals that I'd like to keep track of, for example, playing with the kitties (toys, not petting) for at least 15 minutes a day (for their own health), some form of exercise, some form of writing, limit on daily intake of coffee (since I can't sleep when I drink much, and when I don't sleep, I get cranky), and maybe some other things. We'll see how that goes.

I'm crossing my fingers here - hoping that all of this will help and that I'll be back to my normal carefree self in little time.

Also in my goals are plans to pay off my credit cards (of course) and get a real office desk and a couch. I think once all of those things fall in place then I'll be feeling better as well.

I know I'm going to get lonely, but maybe that's part of the healing process?